this post was submitted on 23 Sep 2023
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[Outdated, please look at pinned post] Casual Conversation

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Lost my wife (34) to cancer last month and I haven't found any good resources to help me. How do you cope with their loss? Please remove if this isn't allowed.

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[–] caramelcoldbrew@kbin.social 25 points 1 year ago (2 children)

First, I’m so sorry for your loss.

Almost 20 years ago, I lost my fiancé to an undiagnosed heart condition and he passed away suddenly in our home. I was really young so I dealt with it rather poorly, with substance abuse and avoidance which was obviously not the right choice.

For me, once I allowed myself to feel my grief and just focused on the small snippets of happy I could find in the day, I began to breathe a bit more. It also really helped to talk about my fiancé and the good memories we had, big or small, with others who knew him. Every new day brought just a bit more air into my lungs and before I knew it, I was able to feel like I was living again. Albeit living with a heavy weight around your neck but still, living.

One day you’ll get there but focus on one step at a time, find the small joys where you can (and try not to feel guilty about finding said joy), and give yourself the same grace you’d give to a loved one who’s lost someone they love. Grief has no timetable and as someone said, it’s not linear, but you will make it through to the other side someday.

[–] Sharpiemarker@feddit.de 7 points 1 year ago

Thank you for sharing your experiences and advice.

[–] electrogamerman@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Its avoidance really a bad choice to deal with grief?