Unpopular Opinion
Welcome to the Unpopular Opinion community!
How voting works:
Vote the opposite of the norm.
If you agree that the opinion is unpopular give it an arrow up. If it's something that's widely accepted, give it an arrow down.
Guidelines:
Tag your post, if possible (not required)
- If your post is a "General" unpopular opinion, start the subject with [GENERAL].
- If it is a Lemmy-specific unpopular opinion, start it with [LEMMY].
Rules:
1. NO POLITICS
Politics is everywhere. Let's make this about [general] and [lemmy] - specific topics, and keep politics out of it.
2. Be civil.
Disagreements happen, but that doesn’t provide the right to personally attack others. No racism/sexism/bigotry. Please also refrain from gatekeeping others' opinions.
3. No bots, spam or self-promotion.
Only approved bots, which follow the guidelines for bots set by the instance, are allowed.
4. Shitposts and memes are allowed but...
Only until they prove to be a problem. They can and will be removed at moderator discretion.
5. No trolling.
This shouldn't need an explanation. If your post or comment is made just to get a rise with no real value, it will be removed. You do this too often, you will get a vacation to touch grass, away from this community for 1 or more days. Repeat offenses will result in a perma-ban.
Instance-wide rules always apply. https://legal.lemmy.world/tos/
view the rest of the comments
I think the discussion would be clearer if you defined what you think incel beliefs are? The typical description I know of is, "Members of my preferred gender refuse to have sex with me because there is something wrong with them, and it's their fault that I'm lonely." It looks like here the assumed definition is, "I'm happy being alone unless someone extremely desirable comes along," which imo is the opposite of incel behavior.
The reason you are getting called an incel here is likely because, by characterizing the latter opinion as something wrong with "so many" women when it is merely a lack of interest in dating most men, you start to come dangerously close to expressing the former opinion yourself.
An incel believes they are owed sex/love without putting effort in themselves
That isn't the defining characteristic, though [ETA: under the conventional understanding of the word, at least - apologies for appearing to ask you for clarification only to then argue with you about it]. There is already a word for that and it's called entitlement. What distinguishes an incel is the added belief that there is something wrong with people who have romantic or sexual preferences that the incel disagrees with (as long as the preference is limited to consenting adults).
Personally my main gripe is with the implication that a person, who simply wants someone with traits that the person doesn't have him/herself, is therefore entitled in a way that puts them in the wrong. To hopefully illustrate why that's weird: I tend to be romantically interested in those bleeding-heart optimist types even though my own philosophy is relatively pragmatic. I admire that characteristic in others but have no intention of adopting it myself. It isn't obvious that this fact, on its own, makes me an incel, even if optimism is more rare, desirable, or difficult to maintain.