this post was submitted on 26 Jul 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] MossyFeathers@pawb.social 127 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (3 children)

Anon might need to see a doctor. I don't think it's normal to become incontinent the moment you turn 30. Also, I've personally never had any issues with holding it in.

[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 53 points 4 months ago (2 children)

There were several very angry comments about eating more fiber lol

[–] idiomaddict@lemmy.world 24 points 4 months ago

Yeah, I would think about my diet/stress/caffeine level if I even had cramps before a shit, like what are you doing to your body if shitting is regularly a struggle at age 30 without a medical problem? Your life could be so much better if you took care of yourself/sought medical advice. I know not everyone can afford to see a doctor, but it’s cheaper to catch something like bowel cancer early.

[–] mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.works 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, fiber would be 0 help here, and possibly make it worse. Anon needs to see a doctor.

Personally I find it annoying and frustrating that people will automatically assume poop problems means the person needs more fiber no matter what. It's not a magic cure-all, and pretending like it is is completely stupid

[–] Zeppo@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 months ago

I tried more fiber when I had undiagnosed celiac disease and yeah, it isn’t a fix.

[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 22 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Nope. I'm over 30 and it's like a light switch. 😜

Jk, no issues whatsoever with my sphincter.

30 days after you turn thirty though, that's probably fine, same if 10 days prior.

[–] MrEff@lemmy.world 60 points 3 months ago (3 children)

He needs a doctor, and fast. Best case scenario it is ulcerative collitis. Worst case he is getting an MRI of his brain and brainstem to find out it is a central tumor and will only be getting worse.

[–] fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 11 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Doctor Google concurs : it's cancer.

[–] tom_was_taken@lemmynsfw.com 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Well, it’s never lupus, so…

[–] snugglesthefalse@sh.itjust.works 1 points 3 months ago

Are we sure it's not lupus though?

[–] Zeppo@sh.itjust.works 8 points 3 months ago

Seems a bit dramatic. Could be as simple as lactose intolerance, or IBS, or something like Celiac disease.

[–] Tyfud@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

It's likely UC. Symptoms fit.

[–] MrEff@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

Yeah, colon/anal cancer will do this as well.

[–] cRazi_man@lemm.ee 31 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Anon might have ulcerative colitis.

[–] ryannathans@aussie.zone 8 points 3 months ago

Or held their shit so much their nerves are fucked

[–] NuWuX@sh.itjust.works 23 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Just gotta eat enough cheese to get a solid plug going every day.

[–] Pacattack57@lemmy.world 21 points 3 months ago (4 children)

Anon needs to stop using a butt plug

[–] GluWu@lemm.ee 15 points 3 months ago

He actually just needs to go up a size

[–] TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Anons got a looser ass than lilijunex

[–] Zeppo@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 months ago

Or just leave it in, easy fix.

[–] CptEnder@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

Like a flag in breeze

[–] FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io 21 points 4 months ago

Damn it Anon, go see a fucking doctor!

[–] bleistift2@sopuli.xyz 16 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You know you can wash clothes, right?

[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I know that, yes. Apparently Anon doesn't though. Either that or his "accident" was so bad that no amount of washing will make those underpants usable again.

[–] festnt@sh.itjust.works 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

guy shits acid or something

[–] nifty@lemmy.world 14 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Anon is living in the Middle Ages, 30s now is prime of your life, shit doesn’t get loose like that till you’re 80s+

[–] Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 months ago

Maybe. Need to not eat like shit, or drink heavily. If you're genetics are bad, you might need to exercise regularly too.

[–] merc@sh.itjust.works 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

It could just be lactose intolerance.

[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 1 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I guess so, if he's having a big glass of milk with every meal. Are there adults who do that?

[–] merc@sh.itjust.works 16 points 3 months ago

Lactose is in a lot of different foods, not just in milk. That's what's so nasty about lactose intolerance. It's in the chocolate bar (milk chocolate). It's in the creamy pasta sauce. It's in the coffee-based drink. It's in mashed potatoes. It's in pizza. It's in a lot of breads. It's sometimes in potato chips, crackers or ramen. Burger King used to use it on their french fries. It's in a lot of sauces like dips, salad dressings, sometimes even mayonnaise. In Switzerland it's in the sugary fizzy drinks. Some women have even discovered it's in their birth control!

Basically, if you didn't make it yourself, you have to assume it might have lactose in it.

[–] Zeppo@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Let’s see… do adults eat sour cream, yogurt or Alfredo?

[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world -1 points 3 months ago

For every meal? I certainly hope not...

[–] curiousaur@reddthat.com 10 points 3 months ago

Colorectal cancer. You have colorectal cancer and are very likely dying. Please see a doctor.

[–] CancerMancer@sh.itjust.works 9 points 3 months ago

Sounds like bro needs more fibre. Liquid shit means you're eating like a dumbass.

[–] RubyRhod@lemm.ee 7 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Could someone please explain "green text" to me.

Is it from a specific platform and anons' text is always green or...?

I've been on the reddit sub for years and it was always entertaining, but I never actually knew wtf.

[–] superkret@feddit.org 20 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

It's from 4chan. The text turns green when you put a > in front of the line. It's used to denote quotes, but also for "greentext", which is a certain type of post typically used to tell a meme-worthy (most often fictional) story from your life.

If you've never been to 4chan, do yourself a favor and keep it that way.

[–] Harvey656@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago

I'm 31 now, I do not have this problem. I mean I don't hood it anymore, unless I absolutely have to, but for real anon needs to see a doctor.