Asklemmy

Buddhism, meditation, and generally knowing that everything is temporary. Gratitude / "counting your blessings" helps increase general happiness, as it's easy to forget what's going right

That all starts with being able to recognize those emotions in the moment. If you can’t change the past, then why are you putting energy into getting angry over it? In your dog example, you’re going to have to clean it either way so stop to think about what’s more valuable to you - moving forward and learning for next time or using your energy to get angry.

There’s nothing wrong with getting angry. Anger is a useful emotion. Use it to your benefit rather than to your detriment.

Regular exercise (every other day at least) makes a big difference for me.

I know your feeling - though I find it hard to truly lose my temper, I do tend to stress out easily and start venting outloud.

I feel like externalising my stressors is the only way to let them go, even if nobody wants to listen, otherwise I just end up bottling things up.

What can i say, the dude abides

I feel smoking crack helps smooth out the edges

I don't get mad, but I can't really offer you any advice. I'm just a guy. It's just how I am. I went to a therapist when I was in high school because I don't really have any strong emotions at all, and I was worried something was wrong with me, but he told me it's just how I am, and that one day, when I have a partner, I'll "...either be their rock, or drive them insane."

I proposed to her today. Turns out, that was an inclusive "or".

hmmm...

I think it helps if you play a lot of "immersive" games. and practice disengaging from there.

For example, if you now don't get mad and throw controllers breaking screens, you're now half-way to the real task at hand!

Could try studying stochastic philosophy. I've always generally been calm but had an extra realization that getting upset at things doesn't help the situation I'm in and is generally just a waste of energy. So why waste time feeling terrible when I can just accept whatever is going on and move on with my life.

I don't think I have the emotional range to "get angry" the way most people describe it (as some overcoming urge). It's an alien concept to me. For me, anger is a quiet loosening of my moral obligation towards someone, a re-tallying of social contracts, something done consciously and with purpose.

If I should appear angry, but just "go with the flow" instead, it doesn't mean I'm not angry -- it means I no longer feel the need to be honest with you about my thoughts or feelings. I've found that by and large, people fail to notice the difference.

So if it is any consolation, at least some of us who appear easygoing are actually furious internally.

Best I can tell (no personal experience) is that if your life has serious troubles affecting you, small stuff like some mud in the rooms is one of the comparatively more positive elements of your day. Hence the ability to just laugh and move on.

When my depression and adhd where really bad it used to be like that. Do you have any other problems?

I knew a guy like this but it seemed his life could not get worst so nothing at worked bothered him.

I cannot recommend mindfulness enough, as already suggested by many others in this thread.

I think, you said you are already in therapy? In this case, I would definitely talk with your therapist about this and things you want to adopt beforehand. If you want a simple concrete tip, you could try the "mindfulness coach" by the US department of veteran affairs. I liked it a lot and the apps from there get good privacy recommendations from mozilla.

I am a bit suprised by the many people recommending to just stop giving fucks. Is this what you really want? Or do you just want avoid the emotions of taking control?

Going with the flow is such an important skill that more parents need to put more of a focus in teaching. It's all about making sure that your response is a realistic way of attaining your goal in the situation.

If I'm talking to someone else and trying to help them through a situation like they say, ask them to think for a minute if getting angry will do anything at all to help the situation they find themselves in.

"You are absolutely right to be upset about this situation, and if you need to take a minute to feel that rage, go right ahead. Once you're ready though, let's take a deep breath, remember that we can't change what's already happened and instead be strategic and intentional about what we do from here to correct for what just happened"

Being able to gain control of yourself is a skill that requires practice. Intrusive thoughts and feelings and emotions happen to everyone, the trick is just recognizing when it's happening. When you recognize that it's happening, take a deep breath and shake it off. For me that means just slowing down and being much more methodical and intentional about anything that I say or do until that fight or flight mode response disengages. Be conscious of the fact that my reflexes cannot be trusted when I am in fight or flight mode.

You should take a sabbatical or however else a time out.

Sometimes the best opportunities to show how you feel are not the immediate opportunities.

For me it was seeing people with really bad tempers, while I was a child. I realized how childish it made them seem, and how often, the temper didn't help them get their way.

So now when I see other adults that way I just see childishness. And I don't want to be that.

For me it was getting sober and specifically the serenity prayer. I have a terrible temper. Like break things and punch people temper. It's always embarrassing to lose control like that. Well, saying that prayer reminds me that there are things I can control and things I can't. Serenity is understanding the difference and accepting your powerlessness over things like the past, other people's thoughts and actions, and even your own flaws. I am so calm now, I just have a "not my circus, not my monkeys" attitude most of the time. Occasionally, something starts to push my buttons and I have to walk away if possible, but that's rare.

Also, make sure you're getting enough sleep and try cutting out caffeine. Anything that causes more cortisol production is going to stress you.

In the end nothing really matters, the universe will suffer a heat death and we're just here for a extremely short ride.