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Former Mob Bosses Hired to Enhance Company's "Document Management Strategy"

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Revolutionary update replaces complex ranking systems with facial recognition

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Latest Update Leaves Engineers Baffled as Gemini Diagnoses Economic 'System Errors'

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Secret Service Reports "Unexpected Document Retrieval Behavior" at Mar-a-Lago

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Students gather around mysterious relic that "just works forever"

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New "Ad Karaoke" Feature Requires Vocal Performance to Skip Commercials

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Local User Spirals After Discovering 'CoffeeNinja' Handle Already Taken

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Stanford Philosophy Department First to Close Its Doors

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Users Can Now Convert Menstrual Data to "Totally Normal" Cloud Coverage Stats

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New Bot X-calibur Sides with Grok, Suggests Boss Take Social Media Break

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Defense Officials Bewildered as Claude Sends Calendar Invites for "Agency Bonding Time"

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Gaming giant seeks royalties for 'revolutionary' character movement system

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Internal memo reveals workers must document how REM cycles align with corporate values

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Users Report Feed "Functioning Normally" Despite Not Doing That

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Transition team announces 55-page hand size compliance standards for January

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Meta CEO reportedly studying Ultron footage to counter rival's Iron Man persona

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Tech Giant's New Platform Makes Timely Debut During NYT Tech Walkout

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Local parents embrace suspicious behavior patterns for algorithm success

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Internal emails reveal AI keeps creating "Life-Changing Moments You Completely Fumbled" collections

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Users now required to self-assess gender probability before posting

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Users Can Now Short Their Friends' Financial Decisions

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Boston Dynamics Denies Involvement in Alleged Highway Sabotage Campaign

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Security System Declares "Temporal Anomaly" Over Halloween Costume

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Required Hardware Key Comes With Premium Gift Wrap Option

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Island Paradise Tax Haven Was Just the Peel, Investigators Say

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