this post was submitted on 05 Oct 2023
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Tara Rule says her doctor in upstate New York was “determined to protect a hypothetical fetus" instead of helping her treat debilitating pain.

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[–] lolcatnip@reddthat.com 90 points 1 year ago (12 children)

Based on what I've read in r/childfree, it's far more common than not for doctors to prioritize the needs of a hypothetical husband or fetus over those of a real live woman. I've also known someone in real life who couldn't get a painful medical condition fixed until her mid 30s because the treatment caused sterility. The problem goes way beyond religion; it's more a matter of institutional sexism and the hubris of doctors thinking they know better than any woman who says she doesn't want kids.

[–] BeaPep@sh.itjust.works 46 points 1 year ago (10 children)

I've been to several different OBs trying to solve my almost-two-year-long-period and every single one of them refuses to do anything for me. I'm just "too young" for them to stop me from having kids one day. And giving me a hysterectomy is "too dangerous" and "risky" when my life isn't in danger. It doesn't matter that I've tried everything they suggest. Try it again!! It's so fucking tiring.

I've just given up paying the constant doctor fees to see asshole doctors anymore and just figure I'll either stop having the problem eventually or I'll be "old enough" (40 maybe?) to finally get surgery... It's all a nightmare, especially in the religious south...

[–] ikidd@lemmy.world 20 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I'd check with a women's group or Planned Parenthood for a doctor recommendation. They might know some sane ones.

Having been married to a sane one, I do know they're spectacularly gunshy of affecting a woman's fertility because it can get them sued into the ground if they do something like that to someone that someday wants kids. And patients lie, so when you tell a doctor that you don't want kids, they assume you're going to change your mind. And I'm not sure if there's a disclosure you can sign that would hold up in court if you changed your mind one day. So there's that.

[–] BeaPep@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 year ago

I might try this! I haven't tried Planned Parenthood yet.

Honestly I feel like I've tried everything to make them listen!! I've brought my wife with me to the appointments!! I've mentioned that I first brought up hysterectomies at 17 when I suffered from multi-week periods! I've mentioned I'm asexual and that I'm married and never even had sex so I don't see kids in the future!

But I do get that doctors have to worry about the liars. I can get why it's important to have the option to sue a doctor who wronged you but I wish there really was an intensive disclosure you could just do rather than run around until you find a doctor who's willing to trust you not to regret it. It sucks all around.

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