Ask Lemmy

Why would you want to turn back?

Parrot, probably the African Grey. Because you can talk. Being a talking bird with a heck of a vocabulary asking to get a message to the president is probably going to get the White House social media office’s attention, and maybe then the president.

Kinda cheating, but that would probably work.

I'd become a loving purring cat and would look for a household that would treat me like I treat my cats right now. They're the 1% of the animal kingdom, might as well get the animal life I won't ever get as a human. Not even trying once to do the president quest.

Raccoon. Live new life as trash panda, never turn back.

I'd be the President's dog. And then I'd just need to get their attention at that point, so I'll keep biting his secret service agents until finally they start to wonder what's up. It shouldn't take more than 3 or 4 bites for people to realize I'm trying to send a message, right?

Id become a bird. Id fly around for the rest of my life.

Wait why was I a bird again?

Great ape.
Learn sign language.

Can the message be rude? Because if so, hornet.

Dog. Go around being surprisingly helpful to people, become famous, visit President, write message very clumsily with a pencil in my mouth, sell rights to movie, profit.

This is the Rick and Morty episode where rick becomes a turkey to get pardoned isnt it?

I ain't sending jack shit! I'm staying as a dog forever!

I love how 80% of the comments are "Fuck the president, I want to be an animal!"

I don't disagree.

I'm turning into a red panda, forgetting all about the president, and living my best life: eating fruit, lazing about, getting tons of cuddles for being cute and smart 🙂

My country's president is clearly heading towards dementia. I'd be a crow, they can just speak, so I'd simply fly to him and tell him. He'd probably believe me, no questions asked.

I’d turn into a big old land tortoise and then just be a turtle.

Benefits:

• strong shell
• feets for marching
• cute tail bump
• adorable smile
• can flip friends over when they need help
• turtle

Waiting for Kolanaki and the rest of the furries to show up...

Whatever primate would have enough hand coordination to write, and/or use sign language. "We found a monkey that can communicate in perfect English, and is asking to speak to the President" is bound to make big headlines.

I think if a bald eagle showed up at an oval office window and started tapping Morse code on the glass it would get attention if not headlines.

• Does the president have to understand the message, or just receive it?

• Do I know how to use the animal's skills (e.g. flying) instinctively without learning?

• Is my fight or flight response the same as for human me, or do I inherit that from the animal also? (E.g. as a cat am I terrified of dogs?)

When I turn into a sloth I stay a sloth

Easy thing. Just pick an animal that you don't need to turn back from. I'd say a search-and-rescue dog is probably having a blast and a good life.

Other country presidents are accepted though.

There's the trick. Chose a small country, where the president is less busy and not as well guarded. I'd turn into an iceland pony. Scratch a message into the ground and the president will be around shortly; nice photo op for the tourists. There's enough people there who speak english. Alternatively, Ireland would be a good pick if you want to be sure they speak english.

I'd be a Maned Wolf in and walk up to José Mujica, president of Uruguay and tell him my message. Can I talk or do I have to scratch it into the ground or something?

I'm endangered so seems like they might not shoot me on sight and José seems like the kind of president that might hear out an animal.

I’d think any kind of endangered animal, to ensure I’m not killed for sport or something, but also big enough to not be anythings food. Elephant maybe or bear? From there, it’s easy, since I’d be able to kinda write as both of those, start writing messages. If I’m in the wild, go to a camp area or trail humans use a lot, leave messages everywhere until someone records me writing them. At that point, I’m sure some kind of government scientist would want to know why and how I know English. Then tell them I want to talk to the president as I’m actually an alien.
Do I turn back that moment? If so this is gonna be awkward, but I also just turned from an animal to a human… so maybe it would add to my alien story.

Dragon. I think at that point any message I give him is going to be heard so I'm gonna take my sweet time and once I get a bit more bored I'm gonna fly over the WH roaring "hey Joe, it's genocide!".

I guess falcon or an eagle or a hawk. Since I get to retain my intelligence it is my one and only opportunity to truly fly.

fade into the wilderness and forget the message for the rest of my life

Parrot? The obvious choice?

squaaawk

Do I get to pick the starting point? Because if yes, I think Charlotte's web sets a decent example.

velociraptor, go to park, write my message in the dirt and addess it to the president, wait for news coverage to start. pretty sure some president will hear about the literate velociraptor quick