During my therapy session, the psych suggested I could have autism. She asked me what I think I have. I said I show traits of BPD, but I'm not the one who went to school to diagnose these conditions. I've got no idea but I know something is not right. Even though I feel crazy and people perceive me as crazy, that doesn't mean I am. Sure I've felt and said and done some crazy things, but those things don't define me.
I am praying that therapy works. I don't want to feel things so deeply anymore and catastrophise. I don't ever want to have an emotional outburst like I did the week of the breakup again, to the point where I have to beg someone to love me and make them and their people think I'm a complete psycho. I don't think it was a normal reaction to keep messaging him even though he wasn't responding. At the same time, I have to forgive myself and vow to never do that again.
I stupidly started talking to someone new who reassures me without having to ask, and even though I don't need it, and I'm just vibing and having fun chatting. Maybe I was just asking for too much from the wrong person.