Something that's popping up is that falling in love, if you can call it that, never felt like peace. It was exciting and all, but the deep sense of contentment that I longed to feel wasn't there? Falling in love in a non-romantic way has just felt way more 'peace and calm'. Maybe it was a matter of being in the wrong relationship.
I hope that this idea I have of love is just a sign of my amateurish existence.