this post was submitted on 29 Jul 2024
114 points (86.1% liked)

Asklemmy

43939 readers
376 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy πŸ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Until yesterday I used to have long hair. Due to unusually high tempetures I started having problems with the skin on my head. So, to avoid problems. I shaved it clean and it will remain that way until the skin in treated.

Now that I'm bald, I now know what's it's like. It sucks. My old hair suited me perfectly. It was messy just the right amount, perfect length, made me look different than the rest and handsome as hell. Every girl would look at me where ever I went to. Compliments floating over the air, jealous looks from other men etc. etc. It made me feel powerful.

But most importantly, it suited my personality and clothing. It was perfect! But now it's gone. I hate bald me. I will never look back at this bald version of myself.

It feels weird. I don't feel that bad but still it's disheartening.

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world 74 points 3 months ago (1 children)

If you attach so much of your personality and self-worth on your hair, this is probably for the best. Time to do some inner-reflection and figure out something a bit more meaningful to tether yourself to.

[–] RedditWanderer@lemmy.world 23 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Like his/her massive balls for talking about it somewhere.

[–] Lettuceeatlettuce@lemmy.ml 47 points 3 months ago (2 children)

There was a study done by a university a while back that had hundreds of randomly selected women rate headshots of men from 1 to 10 in various stages of hair, from full thick head of hair to completely smooth bald.

They plotted the results and found that the full head of hair pictures averaged the highest, as you would expect. Then as the baldness increased, the average ratings dropped extremely quickly.

However, once the pictures got to the 100% bald men, the average ratings shot back up nearly identical to the full head of hair pictures.

The conclusion of the researchers: if you care about being perceived as attractive to women as a balding male, you need to commit to one or the other hard. Either get hair transplant surgery, get a high quality hairpiece, or commit to the bald look hardcore and shave it butter smooth.

The worst thing you can do from that perspective is to let the balding hair just kind of grow out all partial/thin.

I guess it's the classic stereotype, the thing the majority of women are attracted to is confidence. So if you're going bald, commit hardcore to the bald look, embrace hats, jewelry, and clothing that emphasizes your head shape and face, experiment with facial hair styles if you can grow it.

Keep your skin clean and your head held high. Lots of sexy bald guys out there, your worth as a person isn't held in your hair.

My balding grandpa dressed like the classic dorky old man; shorts pulled up over his belly, tucked-in baggy polo, socks pulled up to his knees with dad-sandals, and a dirty trucker cap worn crooked on his head with giant yellow-brown glasses. But damn if he wasn't the most confident man I've ever met. Humble, calm, but super hard worker and very driven, also honest as the day is long. Married happily to my grandma for over 40 years until freak cancer took him early.

Hundreds a people from all over the country came to his service, the amount of lives he had positively impacted was incredible. So many people pulled me aside to tell me what a great man my grandpa was, it was powerful.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] ButtholeSpiders@startrek.website 29 points 3 months ago (3 children)

You don’t, so appreciate the time you’ll have hair. Because once it’s truly gone, you’ll look back on this day and cry.

Exactly, Fabio here, is complaining about his hair.

[–] CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org 7 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I'd just like to say, as an actually bald person, I think it's okay. It suits me, it's low-maintenance, and it's nice in hot weather.

[–] Carighan@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

Thank you butthole spiders! πŸ•·οΈπŸ•·οΈπŸ•·οΈ

[–] cherry@lemmy.dbzer0.com 24 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I find whenever I make a drastic hair change that after a few days, I couldn’t imagine going back to the old style

[–] Peppycito@sh.itjust.works 10 points 3 months ago

It's like if you shave a mustache. "Where'd your lip go?!" then 2 days later you look normal again.

[–] AFKBRBChocolate@lemmy.world 23 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Older guy here, went bald in my 20s. Let me say this: while going bald or becoming bald sucks ass, being bald is fine. I had lots of thick hair, and when it started going away and I didn't look like me in the mirror anymore. I figured women would find me less attractive.

What I learned is that it takes a while for your self image to catch up to your reflection in the mirror. One of the shitty things for most people about going bald is that it happens over a long time, and when you're used to one level of baldness, it gets worse. But eventually it levels out.

There are women who aren't attracted to bald guys (and that's fine, attraction is subjective), but it turns out there are women who are especially attracted to bald guys, and that the vast majority of women don't care. Doing things like having a comb-over or wearing a toupee are often a turnoff, but I think it's as much because of the associated lack of confidence than the look itself.

I can sincerely say that I wouldn't want my hair back today. The look suits me and it's easier to deal with.

[–] floofloof@lemmy.ca 9 points 3 months ago (2 children)

The only bit that really sucks about being bald is if you don't wear a hat you get skin cancer.

[–] AFKBRBChocolate@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

Yeah, true, there's an increased risk, and I'm not as good about it as I should be.

[–] CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org 4 points 3 months ago

Or if you do it in the cold, you get the mother of all brain freezes after a while.

On the other hand, direct scalp access can come in handy for various medical things, and on a hot day I love splashing cold water on it.

[–] CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org 4 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

That's exactly it. There was a grieving process for a few months as I came to terms with it, but now I don't think I'd go back if given the chance. I'm a bald guy, I look good bald and can make bald jokes whenever the ice needs breaking.

[–] DaveWave94@sub.wetshaving.social 15 points 3 months ago (1 children)

As someone who suffers a receding hairline since he was 19 and is now 30, shaving my head at 20 was one of the best decisions of my life. It's mostly a confidence issue, as others have already stated. Look at some bald celebrities like Dwayne Johnson, Patrick Stewart, Jason Statham and so forth... They own their look and they look good. If it's only a temporary thing for you, know that hair will grow back soon.

How to deal with it?

  • Sunburn and skin cancer risk is a big issue. Always use sunblock, I personally prefer spray and gel over cream.
  • Headwear is obviously important too for protecting your scalp. Whatever you prefer: caps, bandanas, different hats. Choose one that fits well on your bald head, that means a little smaller than those you used with a full head of hair.
  • Exercise is, as someone else already pointed out, very important when you rock a smooth dome. Looking fit and improving your posture can do wonders for your self confidence.
  • Accessories and jewelry play a very big role too for bald people. Bracelets, necklaces and big aviator sunglasses usually look great.
  • Social: according to a study, fully bald people are usually perceived as taller, more aggressive and dominant than their counterparts. This isn't only positive as it means a lot of people could feel intimidated by you too. Smiling and a helpful, open-minded attitude do wonders there.

In general: if it's only for treating a medical issue and therefore temporary, don't worry too much. You're so much more than just your hair! And hair will grow back with enough patience.

[–] LowtierComputer@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Do you have a gel sunscreen you recommend?

[–] DaveWave94@sub.wetshaving.social 4 points 3 months ago (2 children)

As I live in Germany, my product recommendations might not be as helpful for anyone outside the EU. I usually get something for sensitive skin by one of our two biggest drugstore chains, 'Rossmann' or 'dm'. They have their own brands which are basically the same stuff for both, just under different names. One is "sun ozon", the other is "sundance". Weird names, but both have a "sensitive skin SPF 50+ face fluid" that does the job. Sadly it isn't a 100% reef friendly sunscreen. Since it also is similar to other sunscreen in that it makes your skin shiny, this sucks for baldies if you don't want to blind everyone when the sun hits your dome. I usually combat this by applying the sunscreen together with a mattifying moisturizer (there are a lot of good ones for oily/combination skin).

Two general recommendations I can give though: one, avoid special "bald guys" cosmetics. Those are usually way more expensive than others and offer nothing more in return. Good face moisturizers are usually better. Two, witch hazel toners can really make a difference on your scalp. I feel like it helps to keep your skin smooth and bump-free and it will also help to close micro cuts from shaving.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.ml 14 points 3 months ago
[–] VelvetStorm@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You put way too much value on your hair. You are the same person as you were before other than losing your confidence

load more comments (1 replies)

wait til you dont have a choice. uhg

[–] TheBigBrother@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago

Just don't give a flying fuck about anyone else's opinion about you, it works for other things also. Good luck!!

[–] Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 10 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Since you're stuck with baldness until the skin is treated, maybe have fun with it? Get some kids' WASHABLE markers and let your friends' kids draw on it.

Oh, what am I saying? You already have A PERFECT ORB!

Just get yourself between 2 mirrors and contemplate it.

[–] chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world 11 points 3 months ago

DO NOT CONTEMPLATE THE ORB!

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] mihnt@lemmy.ca 10 points 3 months ago

Hey, 40-seomthing here. Been bald since I was 19. Own. It. Go get yourself a nice hat and a mullet wig and give less fucks.

[–] Epzillon@lemmy.ml 9 points 3 months ago

Bringa back Hats! Ive said this many times, but we need to bring MΓΆre headwear into fashion. Hats go hard.

[–] ronondex@lemmy.sdf.org 9 points 3 months ago

I use to have long hair and a ponytail. I started to lose hair, like all men in my family, around ~25 yo. (I swear I don't do roids or testosterone treatment)

I just jumped the gun and shaved i all.

I really enjoy being bald:

  • It feels great to be able to scrub and moisturise your scalp after every shower
  • Sometimes, I will let my beard grow for a few days, and groom it real well (shave clean the bottom half of my neck, and the top of the cheeks). I believe I look good.
[–] Qkall@lemmy.ml 8 points 3 months ago

To echo much already said... As a dude that had magnificent curly locks. I wtarted balding at 18 and now have a hairline of an 18th century monk... If you can shave your head do that. I also have eczema...so that's out. So hats and just being cool with it. If you try to hide it .. people know. Just own that shit. Frankly ladies don't seem to mind it... Personality goes a long way. Humor goes further

[–] InAbsentia@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago

It's all about attitude and confidence baby. I started losing my hair at 15, had a BALD spot by 18 and by 20 the hair on top was little scraggles. I owned it. People gave me shit for it but that's typical when you're abnormal. You learn to joke back and you'll eventually realize it's a minor issue and it won't stop you from being you, which will be the most attractive part to anyone worth your time.

[–] orcrist@lemm.ee 7 points 3 months ago

I don't think "bald" is the right expression. You have a shaved head, which is different, right?

Also, shaved heads can go with most kinds of fashion. Your hair is always perfect, no matter the wind or rain.

Finally, if you got self esteem only because of compliments on your hair, now is the perfect time in life to find other ways to love yourself. Deeper ways. :-)

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Draw a smiley face on the top of your head in sharpie.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] olafurp@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago

Half of looking good is how good you feel about yourself. Your issue might not be the lack of hair, but the lack of self esteem. I'm sure that once you get adjusted to it the looks will come back.

[–] malean@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Are you Samson? What kind of magic hair did you have?

Althrough I think a good cut is good for a good first impression. It's not a big deal, they will eventually grow back. You can cure other aspect of your style.

I voluntary shave myself in the summer, and I know very well that I am more handsome with long hair. But I don't care and so do others.

There are some good aspects of a bald head eg. Time efficency when I shower and feeling fresh during the day.

[–] Seasm0ke@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago

Man I have fun with hats but I feel you. Sometimes I'm like bro if I wore my glasses I'd look like the fkn soyjack. But you know what, I couldnt wear hats when I was serving at a bar. I still got a lot of attention. I met my now wife at a sales job where I couldnt wear hats. I bic it down to nothing and people want to rub it cause its shiny and smooth.

I miss my hair, it was shoulder length in highschool. I dyed it often, I styled it like flock of seagulls or edrward scissor hands for fun, I wore a Mohawk for a while. It was great while it lasted and its okay to mourn it, Even if it was only superficial. Its natural to feel like your self image was rocked. You're still you and you're still valid.

People may tease you and you gotta roll with it. When a kid says your bald ask him if he knows where your forehead ends. Whatever the answer correct them and say no its the back of my neck or whatever. It takes me a long time to get ready for bed because I dont know where to stop washing my face. Well if its good enough for that eagle its good enough for me. If you cant find peace you can sure find a hair piece... or save to go get expensive surgical solutions.

Hope you feel better though dude

[–] kurcatovium@lemm.ee 6 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Getting older I can only say: looks are overrated. During my time I used to have all kinds of hair styles: metalhead with long hair, medium length, short hair, almost no hair, and right now I have like half a centimeter, because it's so hot weather and I sweat a lot and felt uncomfortable. Last time I cared about "how do girls look at my hair" was probably in my teens but even then I went against the stream, because metalhead long hair was far from being desirable.

IMO you should focus less on how do other perceive you (your look) and more on how you feel yourself. Having less (no) hair has so many benefits I can't even think of going back to anything longer than ~inch. Sure I might look dumb, but that feeling of air breeze on my skull is so refreshing I couldn't care less. Another benefit is much easier care. When I had long hair it felt like a chore to use shampoo, conditioner and brush the hair while it felt almost instantly "in need" of the procedure again. Now? Tsssch, I use whatever: shampoo, regular soap or just water, fast rinse and hair are almost immediately fresh feeling and also dry (huge plus imo).

And the most important note. If you ever find/found a partner who is/was with you just because your fabulous hair, I can assure you it is/was not the right one.

[–] tiredofsametab@kbin.run 6 points 3 months ago

well, for one, sunscreen! Sunburnt heads suck. Hats as well.

It took some getting used to (I've gone through phases of shaving my head and having long hair. Recently, since I work outside in the heat, I hit it with the clippers every few days leaving just < 1mm. You'll probably just get used to your new style which will help the confidence which helps everything else.

[–] aramis87@fedia.io 6 points 3 months ago

So it's been less than 24 hours? Ffs, give yourself time to adjust! Come back in a couple weeks and ask again.

[–] crystenn@lemmy.ml 6 points 3 months ago

figure out how far up before you stop washing your face

[–] jerry@fedia.io 5 points 3 months ago

I started shaving my head when my hair started thinning in my early 30’s. That was 25 years ago. I used to love my hair, but now I would not go back to having hair if I had the option. It took a few weeks to get used to for me.

[–] illi@lemm.ee 5 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I understand your feelings, as living with great hair and liking it and going to bald must suck. Take comfort in fact that it is temporary.

But as a bald man - being comoletely bald is fucking amazing. I can't compare with having good hair - had short haircut all my childhood, decided to grow it longer in my mid teens (wanted to be a bit morr stylish) - and that's about the time I started loosing my hair. So had to go to shorter lenghts so it's not that obvious and went full bald around 17 when I had a visible bald patch anyway. So can't compare but it was the best decision I made - both at the time and for the future. I shave once a week and everything is easy. And I was blessed with a great skull shape so looks good.

Much more salty about me not being able to grow decent facial hair though. That beard and bald look would be sick but oh well. We have to play with cards we were dealt.

[–] grrgyle@slrpnk.net 4 points 3 months ago

It's the same thing as with a hat: if you're uncomfortable it'll show. Comfort is the only difference between "hat people" and everyone else.

Long hair, short hair, no hair; if you feel good people can tell, and you'll ascribe those feelings to how you look.

I'm the opposite, the longer my hair gets the dirtier I feel, until I finally crop it short, or if I'm really wanting that "clean fresh start" feeling, shave it off entirely.

Anyway, lucky for you, you don't have to get used to it! Just wait it out and you'll be back to your old self before you know it.

Good post!

[–] RBWells@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

My mom used to say "it's just hair, you can shave your head and it grows back" whenever we did something extreme with our hair.

First - you probably look better than you think, and remember it will grow back, it's probably good you give your scalp some air. As it grows back, set up a routine to keep everything healthy up there!

Rock it. Feel free, enjoy the summer with no hair in your way. You will quickly handle whatever is going on. Hair grows about 6" a year so it doesn't really take as long as it seems to grow it back.

[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 3 points 3 months ago

Polish your head so it's really shiny to the point of blinding people on a sunny day. At least get some laughs out of it. Sorry you're unhappy with the outcome. The good news is it'll grow back.

[–] angrystego@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

Problems with skin can be treated even without shaving. You don't need to keep it shaved if you don't feel good in it. Ask women, they're used to treating their skin problems without shaving their hair off.

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 2 points 3 months ago

Just think of yourself as Rob Halford for the time being.

[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 2 points 3 months ago

Ah damn, thats ass. I have long thick curly hair that goes down to my mid-back and this heat is also causing a scalp condition of mine to flair up. I just can't shave it though, don't have the willpower. I will stay itchy thanks

[–] cheese_greater@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago
  • Try finasteride/dutasteride and rogaine
  • transplant
  • microneedling
  • vitamin d (low chance but cant hurt)
load more comments
view more: next β€Ί