this post was submitted on 01 Aug 2024
650 points (96.2% liked)

Greentext

4227 readers
1009 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 45 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] count_dongulus@lemmy.world 166 points 2 months ago (2 children)

A genuinely heartwarming greentext. Probably fake and gay, but heartwarming nonetheless.

[–] dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 89 points 2 months ago (4 children)

As a gay, it's definitely gay. There's secret text that only gays can read. I can't tell you what it says or the ghost of Anderson Cooper will have me excommunicated from the gay Mafia, but it's there.

... I fear I've said too much already.

[–] Death_Equity@lemmy.world 35 points 2 months ago (1 children)

The gay agenda is keeping the secrets of 4chan from the normies confirmed.

[–] dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 8 points 2 months ago

The government already knew. Check out the documentary The Men Who Stare at Posts

[–] Jackcooper@lemmy.world 13 points 2 months ago (2 children)

ghost of Anderson Cooper

Are you people able to become ghosts even while you're alive? How do I learn this power??

[–] dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 7 points 2 months ago

By asking this question you have initiated the ancient ritual. Three spirits will visit you on the eve of national coming out day. You will have to blow them to gain your answers.

[–] TriPolarBearz@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

I think I know

Randy Marsh from South Park covered in ectoplasm from the episode "Over Logging"

[–] match@pawb.social 11 points 2 months ago (1 children)

@dharmacurious i am here to rescind your prostate

[–] dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 4 points 2 months ago

Noo! Not that! I've been good! It won't happen again!

[–] cheddar@programming.dev 8 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

While reading this text I definitely read some text. How do I know if that was the gay text or just a regular text?

[–] blunderworld@lemmy.ca 36 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Maybe if you're American... Seems like pretty fucking weird behavior to me.

[–] Maalus@lemmy.world 21 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Meh, pretty low on scale of weirdness. Pizza employees remember regulars well. Friends of mine are vegetarian and also have some specific exclusions because they don't like an ingredient. Each time she calls in now, when they hear her voice they immediately ask "vegetarian pizza with xx, without yyy, zzz, medium?" And all she says is "yup", confirms the address and it's ordered. Having a "quirky" guy call in with requests like these makes for a cool story you tell your new coworkers, a break in a busy day ("captain america called!") etc. At the end of the day you're not forced "to play the game" after all, you can just deliver and not interact.

[–] TranscendentalEmpire@lemm.ee 4 points 2 months ago

Yep, worked pizza delivery throughout college. There are some people who just become part of the schedule. At my place we would do stuff like keep a clean pizza slicer and paddle ready to keep things halal for the Muslim couple who ordered every Thursday night.

We had a set up with a shut in that predated anyone's employment at the store. Every Friday as soon as we opened we would drop off 2 cheese pizzas at the porch and take the money left in the mail box. Never met the person, but they had a pretty sweet deal because they still only paid the price from like 6 years before because no one could ever get a hold of them. They just became kinda a store tradition.

We also had a couple of older regulars that we would literally call and check on if we hadn't heard from them in a while. This was nearly 20 years ago in a small college town, so things may be different now.

[–] funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

it's so weird to me that people get so much out of living in the country they were born in. I've lived in 5 countries, it's not that different.

[–] GBU_28@lemm.ee 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Oh really? Sing all their national anthems

[–] Honytawk@lemmy.zip 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Most countries don't sing theirs during class each morning

[–] GBU_28@lemm.ee 2 points 2 months ago

Agree, only a few places around the world do that (America included in the mostly no)

[–] explodIng_lIme@lemmy.world 99 points 2 months ago

Hello? Pizzahut? Yes this is hospital, your patriotic disc muncher is pretty mangled up over here. Please dispense calories

[–] JamesStallion@sh.itjust.works 90 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Could God create a story so gay that even he could not fake it?

[–] halvar@lemm.ee 25 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Now tell me... Is the story fake, because it's gay, or is it gay... Because it's fake?

[–] agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 months ago

Neither, they're perpendicular axes. It's just that every greentext is on the top right quadrant

[–] blarth@thelemmy.club 56 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Fake and stupidly nationalistic.

[–] DogWater@lemmy.world 35 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Ah so "fake and gay" is evolving lol

[–] Donkter@lemmy.world 16 points 2 months ago

I don't understand, their phrase was identical to yours.

[–] ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works 26 points 2 months ago (1 children)

That seems pretty patronizing...

[–] Jtotheb@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

In both senses of the word!

[–] Dyskolos@lemmy.zip 20 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Sorry, but... What an arsehole. Let poor people dance through stupid hoops to earn a lil extra. Fuck you, just tip or don't. You know? Like adults.

[–] Hawk@lemmy.dbzer0.com 33 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Nobody is forcing these people to take on the challenges. And clearly they enjoyed them enough to personally write a get well card.

Guess having fun isn't allowed anymore ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[–] sazey@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

You're feeling slightest bit of pleasure from an altruistic act, REEEEEEE!

[–] x00z@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago (3 children)

What if I let homeless people dance for money?

Where does one draw the line?

Yeah there is no difference between a delivery guy who at least has a job and a choice vs a homeless guy with literally no choice if it comes down to survival. Its not that hard to draw a long when you are not a complete dumbass

[–] skulblaka@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Then they're busking, people have made a living doing that since at least medieval times.

Fact is, working for your money is effective even if you're begging. People are more likely to toss a dollar to a guy with a guitar or some other gimmick than they will to somebody just sitting there with a sign. Is it cruel, or gross? Maybe, yeah, a little bit. Extra sucks for the disabled homeless, I do understand that. But being a street performer is a legitimate job in some places. People will pay money for entertainment whether you're on TV or on the corner of 5th and MLK. If a homeless person wants to dance for a dollar I say let them. Begging for spare change is legitimately a competitive business. That can make the difference between getting food and a haircut or not.

[–] Dyskolos@lemmy.zip 0 points 2 months ago

So... That was basically my point. They're assholes. Tip or don't. Be it a beggar or whomever. Just because the majority acts like that, doesn't make it less asshole-y 😉

[–] Honytawk@lemmy.zip -2 points 2 months ago

If that homeless person is delivering a pizza and willing to attempt a challenge, sure

[–] Dyskolos@lemmy.zip 0 points 2 months ago

Dunno if u know what those people make? I wouldn't even wanna wake up for that salary, of course they do your stupid things to double the hourly salary. They already deliver you your fucking food. I tip 50 bucks and that's it. I don't need their get-well-cards. It's a try to equalize things. A true thank-you that they're doing that shitty work so i don't have to.

[–] supergirl@programming.dev 20 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] Dyskolos@lemmy.zip 2 points 2 months ago
[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 16 points 2 months ago

Dance monkey dance

[–] FrowingFostek@lemmy.world 19 points 2 months ago

I believe this green text implicitly, this actually happened, no proof needed.

[–] Etterra@lemmy.world 13 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I can believe it. Good pizza places will go the extra mile for good tipping regulars.

[–] LaunchesKayaks@lemmy.world 13 points 2 months ago

The local pizza delivery girl friended me on FB. I got excited because I thought she was cute and into me. Then I learned she's super right-wing and weird (in a bad way.). She became WAY less cute to me after that.

[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 2 months ago

We also remember the regulars who don't tip, and we control how long your order takes, if we make a stop at a gas station (or home, or the weedman's) before or after we drop off, if your soda "got a little shook up" because we "had to slam on the breaks," and not only that but even less scrupulous drivers have say 10-15min alone with your order. Just a word of warning for those I've just described. Might want to tip or vary your stores up...

[–] Hikermick@lemmy.world 12 points 2 months ago (1 children)

So how much was the hospital bill?

[–] Honytawk@lemmy.zip 6 points 2 months ago

10 000 pizzas