Melbourne

I wrote this whole thing about mum and dad, and whatever, and I just can't be bothered.

It hurts Mum is off the deep end and hasn't tried to make amends or meet my boundaries for a relationship. It's like she's given up and gone full boar into her delusions, and I'm left behind as a "possessed devil worshipper".

Like, she isn't even Christian or anything, just super spiritual and lost within her schizophrenic angel-and-demon obsession. That demons and devils, and "evil psychics from the US" are committing "psychic assaults" and causing mental illness.

I just want my fucking mum back.

Gratitude thread. I'm grateful to have a roof over my head, and glad it's still attached.

Grateful for the SES and all of the various emergency workers.

And grateful for fluffy cats.

Just wanted to show off my Opa's pond for his goldfish. The netting is to stop kookaburras from eating them (a few had been lost to them in the early days).

There are three orange goldfish, one white, one mottled, and one entirely black one. The photo below has them all in it, I was so happy to get the black one on camera. They blend in so well, and with the reflections, I can sometimes only spot him if he pops his head above the water.

Can I just delete this week, it looks like a whole pile of Everything Difficult And Going Wrong On All Fronts. Very aggro customer response that I'm frankly scared to deal with and responded as best I could to the intermediary (cust. wants face to face meeting. I put my foot down). More to come in other job tomorrow. And now it turns out I've been enrolled into the wrong bloody uni subject because nobody was paying attention (including me)... and who the fuck knows what fresh hell that opens up with uni bureaucracy and CSP payments. plus my assignment is now 50% over the word limit. I want to disappear into the ground.

I'm reading up on the psych of hoarding again. Too many family members are effected and I'm sick of doing the clean ups.

at the same time I have a horror of thinking whenever the house is a bit messy or I have stuff " god I hope I don't have it

I HATE all this noise. Feels like I've been under constant assault for nearly a week now. So over it.

I finished my second TAFE class. Awgh everytime I go I always end up coming out feeling accomplished and happy - so why do I spend the hour prior stressing and all anxious for no real reason at all? I actually had little flash thoughts in my mind before hand that I should drop out. They weren't really real thoughts, just little anxiety bubbles that were popping up in the sea of other thoughts

I really like this trainer. Very people first it seems. I don't regret leaving high school for this one bit, although I do have the weeds of self doubt that hours of weeding never seem to uproot. It always grows back.

Edit: clarity

Excuse me?

"I'm helping Seagoon setting up the record player and choosing a comfy album"

spoiler

spoiler

Magpie update : nest no longer in tree. No hope for the baby chicks as only 10 days out of the egg at most. Mrs maggie was seen this morning gathering nesting material, so maybe maybe maybe will lay more eggs. Wishing her the very best of luck. Young male maggie nowhere in sight this morning.

Back from my week off in NZ. Absolutely stunning scenery all around, it was just one incredible vista after another and I wondered how this place was real.

Had a couple days skiing as well, thankfully I remembered how to snowboard even though the last time I was at the snow was something like 8 years ago, much fun had. One aspect I had forgotten is how bloody expensive skiing is. It was more worth it for this trip because I wasn't just going there for skiing, but I can't imagine sinking that kind of money to go to the Victorian ski resorts.

Back at it today and still exhausted even after two recovery sleeps, not even the wind could keep me awake last night. I think I've reached the age where I need my own accom when going away with a group of friends, because I was only getting 5 - 6 hours of sleep in our Airbnb house every night and while I didn't really feel it there, as soon as I got home it all hit me.

Apparently I missed a lot of wind?! My backyard looked like it had been trashed.

Get up. Put pasta and bits in pan in oven ....you..can...do...it...oldgreeeeeeeeg...

looks westward O lawd he comin'

It fucken cold. And a long day. 11 hrs and nothing came easy today. The plus sides, though, are:

• my uni stuff got sorted in the nick of time
• I don't need to redo my assignment
• I found out I have until 28 Oct to rectify my whole 3G phone network bizzo. Two more months of breathing space to enact firmware hack or give up and buy a new phone.
• I'm doing so much overtime I could probably take an extra day off and stretch it to 10 days away in Perth
• can avoid today's Angery Customer until Friday
• avoided all the Weather today
• have stash of ready-made food in freezer
• pay day this week yey thank fuck
• barely used my car, can save on filling up until next low point
• long awaited haircut this week

It's gonna be alright... tries not to dramatically sob into pillow

I cannot win. Yesterday I went down to the docs to get my blood tested to see how tasty it is, only to be told that they're at capacity for the day (11am) and come back another day.

Today I go in, take a number and get called in only to be told that I've OVER FASTED by an hour or so. I had no idea you could over fast for a blood test. Apparently the sweet spot is between 8 and 12 hours of fasting and I was on hour 15. The lab generally doesn't do tests over 14 hours.

And today is my last day in Melton so I'm going to have to come back another time, which isn't so bad because I can come visit my family. I wasn't going to see the doc again to get results for a month so I'll just do it on one of the weekends coming up I guess.

Annoying because I psyched myself up for the needle.. twice.. I am historically not great with needles/having blood drawn.

That was some feckin wind alright. Woke up a few times overnight. Had weird dreams of living for a few days in a hippie commune in the mountains of northern NSW and then leaving - only to be accosted on the outside by various people coming for me because of downed trees in their front yard... and I couldn't get back into the commune because it was blocked by downed trees everywhere.

Was gonna walk to work this am but maybe I'll tram it in and walk back instead. NO MORE BED!!! 💨

oh dear, Bill cat has been fighting Ted and now Ted ran away to next door( ted can't get away but I'm worried )

he's back home now

Went to sleep in the foothills of the Dandenongs. With all the noise last night, surprised the house isn't now in Kansas...

Five-year-old woke up at 3:30am upset from all the noise, and that was pretty much the end of our sleep for the night!

Everything appeared intact this morning at least. Dream drive in to work, nobody on the roads - I'm very jealous of the WFH-brigade!!!

Today me is blessing yesterday me for making a batch of pea & ham soup. Dinner sorted!

Roof still on but rattling like fuck all night. Police helicopter. Very little sleep and have run out of berocca. Almost want the power to go out so I don’t have to pretend to work.

A win at work I was quite proud of got derailed by a sudden request that blew out my while afternoon.

I'm writing my own documentation on Marketing Cloud because it feels like the sort of program you only learn to use by making every mistake first

Good night everyone, stay safe and try to get some sleep. 😽

And the hail, lawd. That is no joke. One min from home and it was coming down like a mother and just slowly taking off from the lights made the car slide.

Then… sun. This day legit takes the cake for the craziest run of weather I’ve seen.

Man it's hard to sleep with this wind.

Wind wind wind. My door has been banging in its frame all night

Beach Party ⛵️
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Hmmm this isn’t pleasant at all.

The wind it has me brooding, edgy,
Like my thoughts, an imperfect similie
Perhaps I force my lines, they don't come naturally,
I am an amateur at everything, actually.

No power since 1030am. Estimate restore time 4pm tomorrow. Thankful for gas hot water and cooktop, ryobi fridges and the fire to keep us warm. Hopefully we wake up overnight with every light we've mistakenly turned on glowing.

Just had a short walk, not too much damage nearby. A few fallen wheelie bins and a food cupboard blown over. The remaining cupboard had plenty of English muffins, so that was good. When the wind dies down it's quite nice outside.

Cherry blossom getting there through the wind:

Next to pop are the echiums. Both flower almost concurrently and creates a sort of bee super highway as they go back and forth that you can hear from 10m+ away.

This part of Mernda is a weird spot. The sun is out here, but it can be raining on the other side of Plenty Road or just down at the next train station. It might be the big hill to the southwest of here

Now that the sun is out taking advantage of the wind to dry my washed doona.

Trying to get through first level of organisations these days is truly excruciating. The enshittification of everything is real.

Came through the storm just fine aside from being woken up at 2:30 and 4:30. Cats are fine, in fact Sammi is back to her old self or nearly so (she hasn't been too hungry since the scan).
Just about to go for a dental appointment - wish me luck with the drive!

Break time at last!

Unexpected but got a nice swirly pattern in my coffee today.