this post was submitted on 13 Nov 2024
1048 points (95.8% liked)

The Onion

4542 readers
830 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Maggoty@lemmy.world 136 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (5 children)

Act as if we will. No seriously like half of politics is the manifest will of the people. If you decide right now that Trump isn't going to do it then it's going to be normalized by 2026 and outrage will not occur. You need to expect the next election with all the force of reality you can muster.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 38 points 1 week ago (7 children)

I say we start a revolution. We get a bunch of pie crusts. And fill them with whipped cream. And then we collectively go around the country just pieing people in the face, and sticking a clown nose on them. Then we lift them above our heads, and run away.

Their whole culture is based on fear, and conformity. You do the normal thing. People who don't do the normal thing aren't with them.

Now imagine walking along the street wearing your trump hat, thinking you're all cool. Suddenly, BAM!!! PIE!!! CLOWN NOSE!!! And now you're 8 feet in the air after having taken a surprise cream pie.

It would go against everything that makes their culture what it is.

OHHH!!! OHHH!!!! SOMEBODY CREAM PIE TRUMP!!! You KNOW you want to see trump rubbing out a cream pie from his eye.

[–] UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 20 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Already done

It would be considered assault. Yet forcing poverty upon the working class is peace? Fuck this planet.

[–] SLVRDRGN@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

In a witness statement read out to the court on his behalf, Mr Farage said: “The cup hit me directly in my face … liquid went all over me.”

Giving details from her police interview, prosecutor Nishma Shah told the court: “She acknowledges that this was an assault and that the liquid would have gone over the jackets of him and others and caused them to get cleaning, but she states that Nigel would be able to afford this.

Previously, during a campaign walkabout in Newcastle in 2019, Mr Farage had a banana and salted caramel milkshake thrown at him. “Milkshaking” – the act of dousing public figures in a milkshake – was officially recognised by Collins Dictionary the same year.

Wow he's caused a trend.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] BallsandBayonets@lemmings.world 18 points 1 week ago (3 children)

I'm in. My recipe for pie crusts and whipped cream calls for a lot of cheap liquor and something called "flammable rags"? It's an odd recipe but comes highly rated.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 1 week ago

surprise cream pie.

I've seen this website..

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 12 points 1 week ago

Only Putin is allowed to cream pie him

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] Eatspancakes84@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago (1 children)

There will certainly be an election. Potentially, the main opposition candidates will be in jail (or in a deportation camp in Alaska), but an election will happen.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone 54 points 1 week ago (11 children)

Obviously they’ll run the election Russian-style, as Americans still like to think of themselves as free.

[–] UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 38 points 1 week ago (2 children)

What's wrong with a one party system? It's only one less then two! You wouldn't want to confuse the voters would you? /$

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (10 replies)

There will be. A Turkey style election. Or maybe russia style depending on if democratic-led states find the spine to stand against a tyrannical federal government. We're about to see if this "federalism" really mean anything.

[–] LustyArgonianMana@lemmy.world 47 points 1 week ago (7 children)

"Trump can't actually do any of those horrible things," -friend who doesn't understand politics and hasn't been following anything

load more comments (7 replies)
[–] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 39 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 36 points 1 week ago

Well, no, it's the Beaverton.

[–] Nougat@fedia.io 37 points 1 week ago (8 children)

Hell, there's not going to be a 2026 election.

[–] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 44 points 1 week ago

There will be, in the same way that they have elections in Russia and Turkey.

load more comments (7 replies)
[–] maplebar@lemmy.world 37 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (12 children)

At this point I don't blame Republicans, they are exactly the christo-fascist criminal hypocrites that they always have been.

At this point I don't blame Democrats, utterly underwhelming and politically ineffective as they are.

Nope. At THIS POINT I blame the lazy fat dumb-as-shit American fuckwad populace. "We The People" just gave knuckle-dragging fascist dipshits the keys to every branch of government as well as a mandate to do basically whatever the fuck they want for no reason other than the price of Doritos being higher. It turns out that the real enemy of the people is the American people themselves, who make the worst possible decisions and act against their own interest at every opportunity, only later to point fingers at the same politicians that they helped elect in the first place.

In other words, if you voted for anybody but Harris I can only say "fuck you, you deserve exactly whatever is coming".

Power has been out of the hands of the people for a while now. SuperPACs influence the choice of candidates and lobbyists write the laws they pass.

load more comments (11 replies)
[–] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 17 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Expecting the Dems to control the House, I was telling people not to worry, they can spend 2 years stonewalling anything the Senate wants to do, then regain control of the Senate in 2026, making Trump's second term mostly a bust. But now that MAGA has the whole Congress I think all bets and gloves are off. Might as well lose the pants too.

[–] RoidingOldMan@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Same thing happened in 2016. He got a few things done the first 2 years (the big tax cut was the main thing), then the Democrats got the House back in 2018 and he accomplished very little. Both impeachments happened after 2018.

[–] NicolaHaskell@lemmy.world 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I started to prepare for 2026, but the thought that "Blue Wave!" fails is so preemptively humiliating that the only logical conclusion was to roll over and let the fascists ride on through 2028. I truly wish I could help or do anything at all but I'm safer here on the couch! Besides, The Capitalists rigged it all anyway. I think if I feel bad enough for anybody who isn't as safe and I starve, deprive, and isolate myself then I can make up for my own sense of helplessness.

[–] drake@lemmy.sdf.org 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Take heart, as long as there are people who are willing to stand against tyranny and fascism, there will always be hope. Every one of us, even the strongest of us, sometimes need to take some time off to recover - take all the time you need. Be with your loved ones, hold on to them tightly, and share your love as widely as you can. Spread love among your friends and co-workers as best you can. I know it sounds extremely corny, but love, and fighting for who we love, is how we will win.

We can’t vote our way out of this, but we can build a better future outside of the system and do everything we can to resist the state. That means that we might be left with no choice but to take risks and make sacrifices in the hope that the world we leave behind might start moving in the right direction.

Stay strong and hang in there. I love you, no matter who you are, or where you come from, or what you’ve done.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Commiunism@beehaw.org 16 points 1 week ago

To be fair, them getting their shit together would be good regardless if there's another legitimate election in the future

[–] altima_neo@lemmy.zip 14 points 1 week ago (5 children)

We can only hope the dictator passes of old age before anything crazy happens.

[–] n1ck_n4m3@lemmy.world 19 points 1 week ago (5 children)

You think vd dunce is going to be any better for the USA than discount orange hitler?

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Going to put all my chips on President JD Vance to restore democracy

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] vga@sopuli.xyz 13 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

I think this should be a good way to win back money from failed Harris bets. I'd dare to put some money on a bet that there is going to be elections in 2028 and Trump is not going to be a candidate.

One of those win/everythingsfucked kind of bets.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] spacecadet@lemm.ee 12 points 1 week ago (5 children)

I was watching a video the other day of Rachel Maddow talking about how now that Trump is elected, we will never have a vote again. We will be a Russian puppet state and that all immigrants regardless of status will be deported. I was thinking that’s a possibility and a scary potential future. Then I realized the video was from 2016… and Trump went on to be so ineffective that more immigrants came in than Obama. The only lasting legacy he will have is the Supreme Court, which sucks, but he is too ineffective to do anything other than rant on truth social. He is good at saying things, not doing things.

[–] nelly_man@lemmy.world 61 points 1 week ago (1 children)

In his first term, he had a center-right Court that was willing to rule against him. Congress was also not solely controlled by Republicans, and there was a notable never-Trump coalition within their ranks.

Now, the Court is balanced more heavily to the right, and they've already been willing to accept ridiculous proposals that help Trump. And he'll be going into this next term with a Republican-controlled Senate and House. And most of the never-Trumpers have either left or been voted out.

So I do understand that it's possible that our fears are overblown, but there are good reasons to believe that he'll do more lasting damage in his second term.

[–] spankmonkey@lemmy.world 27 points 1 week ago (1 children)

To be clear, the Republicans being organized means the Republicans will be able to do more lasting damage. Trump is just the face, and while he is a terrible person who causes damage through chaos, the malicious Republicans as a whole are responsible for whatever damage happens during his turn.

That is important to keep in mind, because even if they cart him off to jail on day 2 of his term they will continue to do all the damage they can.

[–] Robust_Mirror@aussie.zone 13 points 1 week ago

It's also worth remembering the republicans having a different face next time doesn't mean they'll be different next time.

People act like things are only bad because of Trump and that if it was someone else it would be less bad. There's no actual reason to assume that.

[–] freebee@sh.itjust.works 25 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Things are very different this time around. They have a lot more power and are a lot more prepared. Trump isn't capable, the gang around him definitely is.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Backlog3231@reddthat.com 16 points 1 week ago

Are you familiar with project 2025?

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

And you think you're the only one so wise as to have noticed all that? Trump's people have been working their ass off for this day. They've seen the weaknesses in Trump and the system and they're already deploying their plans. If you think this administration will be Trump 2.0, you got another thing coming.

I imagine Germans were laughing at Hitler after the Beer Hall Putsch.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

That adorable friend should start voting in off years. There's going to be local elections next year at the very least.

[–] maplebar@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago

Listen, I hate to break it to you... but we can't even get these clowns to vote on Presidential election years and now we have to try to convince them to vote during off years and special elections? Fat chance.

[–] joyjoy@lemm.ee 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

In 2028, the Democrats won't even be on the ticket, and most of America still won't vote third party.

[–] Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I'd like to see Bernie try to spin up a third party; not for himself to run for office, but just to divorce from the DNC and give leftist politicians a fighting chance using his name/approval.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›