this post was submitted on 24 Jul 2023
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My wife was scooping ice cream and said "We'd better hurry up its getting soft!" I couldn't resist.

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[–] KittenBiscuits@lemm.ee 59 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"I often sit at home and rub my carpet."

I swear to the flying spaghetti monster, the Lowes flooring associate said this to me when I was booking installation services.

[–] Imgonnatrythis@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Are you married to her now?

[–] buycurious@lemmy.world 52 points 1 year ago

“I was on my knees this entire weekend.”

Someone was describing how they’d been pulling out weeds out of their garden.

[–] hoodlem@hoodlem.me 23 points 1 year ago

Me talking about my dad’s new truck: “This is the nicest, biggest backseat I’ve ever been in”

[–] collin93@feddit.nl 17 points 1 year ago

A group of us got into an elevator to go down a floor and the elevator went up instead. Someone said "I guess you have to go up before you can go down".

[–] Pooptimist@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago

My wife's granddad was a carpenter and lost some fingers to the saw. He's also a hunter and when I asked how he can shoot without fingers she said: "a stump is enough" and I just had to