Ask Lemmy
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
Rules: (interactive)
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com.
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !askusa@discuss.online
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Partnered Communities:
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
view the rest of the comments
Eh, are they asking about other ways to get into dating though?
This sounds like "cold approaching". Like a guy walks up to a woman he doesn't know or barely knows and asks her out. I can tell you for one woman's perspective, this sort of approach has a 0% chance of working on me. And before anyone says, "but what if he's good looking and rich hurr durr hypergamy". No, still no. If anything, a super good looking guy in slick clothes cold approaching me is gonna make me wonder if I'm about to be abducted into his fucked up forced prostitution ring.
Imagining what it might be like for a guy, yeah, "cold approaching" sounds terrifying and likely futile.
Wanna know how I got every single date with a guy ever? Online dating where I was actively open to being approached (no longer a cold approach on the part of the man) or doing some approaching myself. Or I met him through friends and got to know him a bit before we mutually decided the vibes were nice (no "approach" at all). This one requires having friends though, so lots of the worst of the chronically online misogynists are already opting out.
I met my wife by way of "cold approach" but I wasn't approaching her to flirt or get her number. Honestly, I was trying to bum a smoke. But we got to talking and we just kept at it. She decided she like me and started flirting, I wasn't totally oblivious and eventually took the hint. I don't know if that's different from what you're talking about or it's just that we are older than you are. Just adding another data point to the conversation.
I think that also counts as "approaching", but I think the "cold approach" the user you replied to was talking about, is when a guy just walks up to a woman out of the blue and says "hey, wanna date?". I think anyone with half a brain can see that's not a good approach. It would scare anyone away. You have to ease into it, make up an excuse to start a conversation. Like bumming a cigarette. It's pretty old fashioned, but I think it's a decent enough way for a man to approach a woman. Of course it can be done very wrong as well.
Yeah I think the biggest thing is not going into it actively looking for some kind of relationship