this post was submitted on 19 Aug 2024
135 points (95.9% liked)

No Stupid Questions

36195 readers
808 users here now

No such thing. Ask away!

!nostupidquestions is a community dedicated to being helpful and answering each others' questions on various topics.

The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:

Rules (interactive)


Rule 1- All posts must be legitimate questions. All post titles must include a question.

All posts must be legitimate questions, and all post titles must include a question. Questions that are joke or trolling questions, memes, song lyrics as title, etc. are not allowed here. See Rule 6 for all exceptions.



Rule 2- Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material.

Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material. You will be warned first, banned second.



Rule 3- Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here.

Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here. Breaking this rule will not get you or your post removed, but it will put you at risk, and possibly in danger.



Rule 4- No self promotion or upvote-farming of any kind.

That's it.



Rule 5- No baiting or sealioning or promoting an agenda.

Questions which, instead of being of an innocuous nature, are specifically intended (based on reports and in the opinion of our crack moderation team) to bait users into ideological wars on charged political topics will be removed and the authors warned - or banned - depending on severity.



Rule 6- Regarding META posts and joke questions.

Provided it is about the community itself, you may post non-question posts using the [META] tag on your post title.

On fridays, you are allowed to post meme and troll questions, on the condition that it's in text format only, and conforms with our other rules. These posts MUST include the [NSQ Friday] tag in their title.

If you post a serious question on friday and are looking only for legitimate answers, then please include the [Serious] tag on your post. Irrelevant replies will then be removed by moderators.



Rule 7- You can't intentionally annoy, mock, or harass other members.

If you intentionally annoy, mock, harass, or discriminate against any individual member, you will be removed.

Likewise, if you are a member, sympathiser or a resemblant of a movement that is known to largely hate, mock, discriminate against, and/or want to take lives of a group of people, and you were provably vocal about your hate, then you will be banned on sight.



Rule 8- All comments should try to stay relevant to their parent content.



Rule 9- Reposts from other platforms are not allowed.

Let everyone have their own content.



Rule 10- Majority of bots aren't allowed to participate here.



Credits

Our breathtaking icon was bestowed upon us by @Cevilia!

The greatest banner of all time: by @TheOneWithTheHair!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

This is about to be some real shit about a failing (failed?) marriage. Get out now if that is not for you.

My wife and I, both in our 40s, have been together for a long time, 20+ years. About 10 years ago our daughter was born and that was pretty good. I was stupid and had an affair during that first year because I was immature and, in retrospect, wasn't able to handle the shift in my wife's attention from me to my daughter.

We worked it out. We moved to a bigger house that is paid off. My mom died and left us all some money. Then my wife was diagnosed with MS about 4 years ago and things have been on the decline.

We haven't had sex in a year and neither of us again expects to. She has been depressed and I don't know how to help her. We recently, like yesterday, determined in a mutual discussion that we no longer had a romantic relationship, but that we had a good partnership for raising our daughter and generally handling life. While it was good to get an unspoken truth out there, it hurts. I think that we both feel lonely in the aching soul sort of way. Last night, when we went to bed, for first time that I can recall, she didn't say, "I love you," and neither did I. My Prozac is working overtime, and she shuts down when I suggest mental health support for her.

So, here's the question. What now?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[โ€“] milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee -3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I'm sorry to hear that, that's really hard. Accept an internet hug from us friendly strangers on Lemmy!

If you're not too averse to Christian stuff, I highly and personally recommend https://www.themarriagecourse.org/

It won't probably help directly with coping with the MS, but can be really great for helping a lot of other areas of marriage, including your struggles with intimacy save romance. I recommend going in person if there's one near enough.

Something like that can be great to do whether your marriage is on the rocks or going beautifully smoothly. - That might help your wife get over the sort of looming threat of "mental help for her".

Anyway I'd second the advice of others that therapy can help. Don't be afraid of finding you're not suited for each other: Good marriage counselling is not just about "finding happiness with your own decision," as another has said. Good marriage counselling helps you understand and rediscover each other and yourselves, giving you the best chance of (re)building relationship and new love with each other.

I can't promise a cure-all solution, but I hope it can help.

[โ€“] Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago

Sorry that you are getting downvoted for this. Thanks for the information.