this post was submitted on 20 Jul 2023
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There was transphobia in 196? HOW?
One of the mods made a post about how this comment being really creepy about trans men's bodies somehow wasn't transphobic and then deleted it after people started calling them out lol
Thank you for providing good context on this thread. The original comment was ass, but not important overall. If the mod hadn't decided to explicitly defend it, this wouldn't even be a conversation. This entire discourse would have been avoided if it wasn't for a shitty mod post.
Fuck off.
Genital preferences are valid as far as any preference for physical attributes but when you're reducing people to purely genitals it's gross and no respect needs to be given to the argument.
That's not what happened. In the context of dating and sex it's an extremely relevant point. Sounds like you're mad at a headline without reading the article, in a manner of speaking. So you fuck off.
The original comment literally boiled down to "boobs and vagina is woman, penis is man".
No it didn't. He explained he would be put off by a transitioned trans man. Go through their comment history and you'll see they'd be comfortable dating preop, as long as their partner is comfortable with them finding their femininity attractive.
That is not at all what it said. The original commenter said that he would not be willing to date a trans man after they transition because he cannot find a penis sexually attractive and because he does find boons sexually attractive. This is a completely ok thing to say, it's what was said after this original comment that became a problem. The post should not have been made by the mod, because it led to a lot of transphobes commenting.
The mod could have just... Not responded to it like they don't respond to thousands of comments. You're not listening to the point. If you're straight, don't fuck trans men because you view them as women because vagina and boob
You're missing the point. His point was explicitly that he wouldn't date post op trans men.
What you saying right now was literally his point. To date a trans man because finda him attractive for his femininity wouldn't work. That was literally his entire point.
Nedankinde. This is an issue we all care about, after all.
The guy said he wasn't into dicks and that it would be weird to like something about his partner that they would want gone and dislike. That's not transphobic. It honestly bonkers that people find that to be transphobic.
All in a day's work😉
Most people seem to agree it wasn't transphobia, but here's the context: https://lemmy.world/post/1893561
There was some transphobia that came crawling out like usually happens when a trans topic starts getting active, but they got shut down pretty quickly
That is what prompted this post. It happens every single time trans stuff comes up. There is no space for it here.
To be clear, some of the comments you removed were from the person you are now replying to.
Yes, I'm aware. You can see the list here https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/modlog?page=1&userId=170858
They were removed, because a meme community on a trans run instance isn't the place for a discussion on the specifics of why you don't want to fuck trans people.
We hear that enough, every day, in every place we look online. We don't need it here too.
Was the post transphobic? That depends on who you ask, but either way, what it wasn't is "unambiguously supportive"
It's also worth pointing out that those posts were not the trigger for this thread
I really wish more people got this
It's like Pokémon, you made eye contact with someone on a meme sub and suddenly you're forced into a debate you don't want to have.
👀 Barbie or Oppenheimer? Answer me, Zymi!
That's a relief! I was a little worried because I like this instance but was butting heads in the one post. Thank you for running this instance. I threw what money I can at the moment to the blahaj.zone Kofi because I feel bad I might've made your job harder as an admin lol
I was thinking about this in the context of a conversation I was privy to recently boiled down it was basically "I don't have a problem with trans people But...sexually assaulting kids is bad But...teaching sexual orientation to 3 year Olds is bad"
I don't want to have to feel like I need to "just leave"
The post seems transphobic in a "chaser" sort of way to me, not trans though.
It seems very "chaser" to me. In other comments, the poster mentioned how he was attracted to "post op trans women and pre op trans men". Grouping those two demographics together in this way will never be seen as not chaser.
What does chaser mean?
Someone who fetishizes trans people. You find trans people hot? That's totally fine, you can have preferences. But grouping post op trans women and pre op trans men sexually is saying that they're being viewed as women regardless of their identity.
If you wanna fuck a trans person, it should be because you're attracted to them. Maybe you like boobs and penis together and that's fine. Maybe you like a masculine chest and a vagina. You can be attracted to a certain intersection, even if that intersection is a straight one. But fucking them because they're trans and exotic is chasing. If you like women, fuck trans women. If you like men, fuck trans men. But don't just randomly flip them around like there's no difference to you.
The guy just said that penises put him off, good god. Is it common in the trans community for people to find it transphobic when cis people aren't attracted to them post transition? Because while I fully support the right to be trans and transition, that is pretty nuts to find it transphobic just because someone doesn't find you attractive.
That's not the issue. You can't say "yeah I like women" and then say that includes pre op trans men. That's fucking gross to say. He literally did the "oh noooo but your boobs!" You guys really go straight to being condescending before you actually try to understand anything, Jesus fucking Christ.
He said the boobs would be an issue in a relationship with a trans man because he would attracted to a source of the person's dysphoria, which would make them incompatible.
Someone literally asked for his opinion on this matter, in a post that invited the opinions of straight people. There is no grossness or transphobia here. Someone asked him if he would date trans men and he explained why they would be incompatible.
well, yes and no
to my personal experience, it can feel kind of transphobic, as being in the position of being rejected just because of your genitals, and not because of the rest of your personality and appearance/gender expression just feels wrong and mean somehow, but if I try to rationalize it, saying that such pereference is transphobic feels just as bad, as you cant force someones pereference
there needs to be said that the person did not see the implication of praising/complementing someones genitals that were the problem (in the case of the original post "And it would propably be difficult with me going 'I love your boobs' and they're always like 'I hate my boobs'"). As praising or giving a trans person a complement on the bodyparts which are a big part of their disphoria is just mean and very painfull for most of them (this was propably unintended tho, and I expect the original postter didn't think about this, but still)
[pre-anything transfem btw]
Wasn't that the point of the comment? They got asked if they'd date a trans guy and responded that it wouldn't work out because what they're attracted to is exactly what makes the trans guy dysphoric
Edit: the post the comments were under was a bit weird about trans though, I'd be fine with that not existing here
Most people expect sex within weeks. And no matter how great you find someone, if sex with them is a chore due to you not finding their sexual organs appealing(which is something you can't really control), that's not going to be an ideal relationship.
And on the point of finding something attractive about your partner that is the source of their dysphoria, that seems like a recipe for disaster and hurt.
I can understand how it doesn't feel great to read those points and how it's a talking point that you wouldn't want to see in communities you follow, but to call it transphobic just because it's hurtful just doesn't seem sound imho.
But in this case at least it's not simply boiling someone down to their sexual organs, but rather recognizing how their sexual organs could realistically affect the relationship.
Thank you. It was my first time hearing the term.
Honestly I didn’t realize this was a trans community. I thought ‘196’ was just some random number like the ‘4’ in 4chan. 196 just had good content. The fact it’s inclusive is just a bonus.
The entire instance lemmy.blahaj.zone is a trans themed instance therefore every community on it is slanted towards trans community and support.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blåhaj
That's partially to blame for all 196 communities having this weird "if you know you know" approach to writing their mission statement and rules. I've seen numerous people ask wth is 196 because of how vague the communities they saw were.
But, particularly about the social politics, here's also the thing I think. Trans rights are human rights. Communities fall under two categories: Welcoming to trans people, versus inherently evil. So I don't think that a community is pro-trans should ever have to be stated. It should be assume, and whoever has a problem with it should go fuck off from society, Satan has a place for them.
Tbf, this one does mention it on the about page, so it's more obvious to newcomers than r/196 was.
It's not a trans community per se, it's more of a more trans-friendly shitposting community. Like, I think, even now majority of posters aren't trans. And majority of content is not trans-themed, it's not traa. It's a good place if you don't want to see only trans-themed memes, but also don't want to see transphobia
Variety makes things better.