this post was submitted on 12 Oct 2024
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Autism
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Two of my kids are on the spectrum, didn't get a diagnosis until they were a teenagers. Suddenly, so many things made sense. Over time, and reflection on my own life, I'm pretty sure I'm on that spectrum, too. And a bunch of other things make sense.
I haven't, and likely won't, get a clinical diagnosis. The testing is relatively involved, and regardless of what it would reveal, I don't think there's anything that would change for me in my mid-50s. Maybe you're younger enough that it would be more useful for you.
Couple of things here. One, "not being able to read other's emotions" is a regulary cited characteristic of ASD, but it's not universal. One of my sons, for example, has incredibly high "emotional intelligence." Usually. Two - and I don't mean this in a snarky or dismissive way - you might believe you're good at reading emotions, while not being as good at it as you think. I don't know you, so that could be way off base, but it's definitely something worth having a think about.
What I have come to learn is that it's okay to be who I am, whether I have an ASD diagnosis or not. It's useful for me to recognize my own characteristics and compare them to common ASD characteristics sometimes, but the more time passes, the less I need to do that.
I am who I am, and that's all that I am, I'm Popeye the Sailor Man.
I've been thinking about this for a few days now since you commented this. I honestly think you might be right and it's a kind of stunning realization for me.
I feel like it's really present in my romantic relationships. There's a lot of times I awkwardly handled things or caused something to veer off in a bad direction. Even now I'm still really bad for asking people I date if they're mad at me whenever they're upset and I don't know why for example
Ah that’s another thing that I get caught in, too. Someone will be mad at me, and I can tell, but I have no idea what I’ve said or done to cause that.
So I can recognize the emotion, but I am blind to the impact of my own behavior.