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Women of Lemmy, how to pleasure someone that does not enjoy any clitoris stimulation? (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) by MTK@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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Well, as the title says, I'm facing an issue that I'm not sure how to improve.

My partner does not enjoy any sort of clitoris stimulation, I tried everything from rough to gentle, from fingers to tongue, with lube and without. It seems that she truly does not enjoy it in anyway.

She does enjoy penetration very much and I put all of my efforts there, but I feel like I can't get her to an orgasm/higher pleasure and while she is satisfied right now I fear that over time she wont be.

So my question is what else can I do? There are some other pleasure areas that we use such as ears, emotional connection, fantasies, dirty talk, etc.

Maybe something I haven't tried on the clitoris? Maybe something else that can take it to the next level? Maybe something that she can do? Maybe just accept that this is okay? Again, she does enjoy herself a lot and is completely satisfied as far as I know, but as I'm her first I think that she is missing out on a level of pleasure that I can't figure how to help her achieve without the clitoris.

ETA: she does not masturbate, so no guidance or hidden methods on her part.

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[–] weariedfae@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Is it that she doesn't like the sensation or she just can't cum? It may be too "intense" so you can try stimulating near the clit with a vibrator instead of directly on.

Try G spot simulation- use a couple of fingers in a "come hither" motion inside. Maybe try that after having piv sex as she may be more turned on. Be communicative together.

Try other erogenous zones like nipples and neck simultaneously as clitoral stimulation and/or g spot.

Use toys in all configurations.

[–] MTK@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

It seems that her clitoris is more like a regilar sensitive area with no pleasure option. What I mean is that it is still a sensitive are (less then other people IME) but absolutely nothing about it, no matter the mood, foreplay, or stimulation is pleasurable for her, at best it's tolerable.

[–] dingus@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

It's interesting because I have always that way too. Nothing is wrong to my knowledge...it's just the way I am. Do you think she might be on the asexual spectrum?

[–] MTK@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

I don't think she is, her sex drive is actually kind of high and she has sexual fantasies, initiates often, etc

[–] weariedfae@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Hm. Sounds like something to bring up to a doctor actually. If she's comfortable and willing. She could have a birth defect or could have had surgery in the area that could have damaged nerves, or she was injured and damaged nerves.

The clitoris is larger than what you see and it might be able to be stimulated from elsewhere if it isn't injured.

In the meantime try for the g spot and vibrators everywhere until you maybe find something that works.

But yeah, worth mentioning to a doctor.

[–] MTK@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

A doctor is probably not an option unless something serious happens, but thank you for the concern and suggestions 🙏