this post was submitted on 17 Nov 2024
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I'm going out on what is kind of sort of a date but I don't know what I'm doing. Would appreciate some thoughts lol (lemmy.world)
submitted 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) by dingus@lemmy.world to c/general@lemmy.world
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Context: I'm in my early 30s. I've only been on a date like once in my life a decade ago and it was awkward and I hated it. The guy was nice but I didn't know what I was doing and then he wanted to kiss and I didn't (and still don't) know how to do that either and I found it unpleasant.

I do not have the capacity for attraction like 99% of the world does, so I figured it meant that I cannot date anyone since I am incompatible with the world. I have always been that way and it was very confusing growing up. It's ok for the most part but it can get a bit lonely.

I also have intense social anxiety. My only friends are online and one coworker.

Well I will be visiting with a stranger who I am closer on the same page with in terms of them not instantaneously expecting sex. But I am panicking a little bit still and still don't know what to do about the attractiveness thing. I've not done anything like this before.

We're going to a nature trail. Tbh I wish it was an environment where I could have a drink because that helps me relax, but it doens't really make sense in this context lol.

I guess I don't know what kind of responses I'm looking for but idk help lol

Thanks

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[–] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 12 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Sounds like you aren't "normal". Personally, I think that's awesome. I'm not too normal myself. Don't get caught up in fitting that normal mold. It's your life, and you may not want or need what most people consider normal.

Dates should be fun. There's a lot of pressure to "Make sure you do everything right so you can live happily ever after" but that's not the right way to look at it.

You're just going on a hike with someone. At the end, you may feel like you've made a new friend, or you might realize that this is not someone you want as a friend. No pressure to run off and get married, just start with seeing if this is someone you enjoy spending time with.

Attraction might come, or it might not. Just be honest with the other person. Do what feels right. Don't let them push you into a relationship that you don't want, and don't let them believe that it's headed that way if you're sure it isn't. You may never get past the point of "just friends" but that's ok, continue being friends, and continue to meet new people until you find someone that flips that switch for you.

[–] Worx@lemmynsfw.com 5 points 5 days ago

And if no-one does "flip that switch for you," then that's ok too.