this post was submitted on 17 Nov 2024
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I'm going out on what is kind of sort of a date but I don't know what I'm doing. Would appreciate some thoughts lol (lemmy.world)
submitted 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) by dingus@lemmy.world to c/general@lemmy.world
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Context: I'm in my early 30s. I've only been on a date like once in my life a decade ago and it was awkward and I hated it. The guy was nice but I didn't know what I was doing and then he wanted to kiss and I didn't (and still don't) know how to do that either and I found it unpleasant.

I do not have the capacity for attraction like 99% of the world does, so I figured it meant that I cannot date anyone since I am incompatible with the world. I have always been that way and it was very confusing growing up. It's ok for the most part but it can get a bit lonely.

I also have intense social anxiety. My only friends are online and one coworker.

Well I will be visiting with a stranger who I am closer on the same page with in terms of them not instantaneously expecting sex. But I am panicking a little bit still and still don't know what to do about the attractiveness thing. I've not done anything like this before.

We're going to a nature trail. Tbh I wish it was an environment where I could have a drink because that helps me relax, but it doens't really make sense in this context lol.

I guess I don't know what kind of responses I'm looking for but idk help lol

Thanks

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[–] Carrolade@lemmy.world 17 points 5 days ago

Since you're in an unusual situation, it may help set your mind at ease if you simply open up with a very short, but earnest chat about setting expectations.

Just something like "hey, I just wanted to get this off my chest, but I'm not really good at stuff like this, and I kinda just want to hang out and see how things go. i don't know how I feel about physical affection, but I know it takes me a long time to warm up to people, and i want to give you a chance but don't want to get your hopes up or anything. that okay with you?"

That last line is pretty key, as it gives the other person an early opt out chance. It's like "click here to accept the terms and conditions" basically. Then once the pressure is off, just hang out and see if you get along.

Kissing isn't hard btw, a single kiss is pretty much impossible to fuck up unless you're massively overthinking it and going a little crazy. A make out session can be judged, but a single kiss doesn't really last long enough to be able to really fuck it up in any even semi-reasonable way. It's sort of like a handshake, even going way, way too hard or soft is just "whatever" since its so brief.