Those are excuses. I took selfies and found my girlfriend of two years on a dating app. I learned how to pose myself and present a good image. One of the pictures is a major factor in why she started talking to me in the first place. My expression and eyes were what she liked.

I have body image issues, I had no one to help me, I have depression and anxiety, and I got it done. No one is asking men to move the earth. Women are just asking for them to give it a try and show that they give a shit.

It’s not culture wars, it’s men failing to even try a little bit to even look interested.

[–] urbeker@programming.dev 5 points 4 days ago (1 children)

You are framing the issue as men vs women, it's classic culture wars.

Saying that because you could do something all people that can't do that are inferior is quite an arrogrant stance. Lots of people can give a shit and still be bad at things. Very few people put up a dating profile they think is bad.

I just think that the unpresidented transformation of how dating works in the last 15ish years, doesn't work for anyone very well. There are studies showing how it is affecting the fertility rate. With just a handful of companies controlling the algorithm that most people now use to find their partner, with no oversight or accountability.

I don't think the dating landscape would be any healthier if everybody suddenly got good photos. Algorithm based dating just leads to general dissatisfaction. Not that it was much better in the past to be fair, but at least it was organic.

[–] Belgdore@lemm.ee -2 points 4 days ago

We are talking about a specific issue between a certain type of man and that is being complained of by a certain type of woman.

The issue is between straight men and women. I could add several qualifiers (we aren’t talking about metro sexual rakes for instance), but I think most people are aware of the type of men that fall into the categories we are discussing.

I was pointing out that any one can do what I did. A data point of one doesn’t mean much, sure. But unless a person has some disability they should be able to take a decent picture of themselves. We’ve had good digital cameras in our pockets for over a decade, it’s your own fault if you don’t learn how to use it.

What does fertility rate have to do with relationships? Sounds like a conservative/ incel talking point to me.

Apps and the algorithms suck for a lot of reasons, but they aren’t going away and we have to adapt.