this post was submitted on 23 Nov 2024
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This is very much a "We think about ourselves too much" coded vent I wrote at 2am, feel free to scroll past
I feel like the majority of my friendships have become distance friendships, which is a very normal thing to happen once everyone moves in different directions. It kinda sucks though. Online communication gives me a mask to hide behind. However, it's a barrier in getting over being scared of stuffing up in social situations (which is primarily around saying the wrong things, or just the vibe I give off scaring someone away). Also being able to spontaneously run errands with or meet someone nearby is a privilege that I only recently got to experience, after having no friends that lived nearby, or just not really any close friends in general, except for one of the really late ones.
I think this feeling may dissipate a bit once I go back to uni next year and start a more insular course. I'm very grateful for the friends I do have despite the distance, as I spent the early formative years convinced that I wouldn't find anyone I would connect with, being in an environment where people just tolerated each other for the most part. I asked one of them how she finds her music, because her taste is expansive, and ever since June or July, she's sent me a song everyday and has told me how she discovered it.