Ask Lemmy

Sometimes it breaks the relationship

My parents and I had a very strained relationship for a long time. It took them a long time to accept that I had not only left their religion, but had converted to Satanism (the atheistic version). Interestingly, Trump in '16 broke a certain amount of their social conservatism, and may have turned them off to Republican governance entirely, because they saw--for the first time--just how awful the political party they believed in had become. They're old--both in their 80s--but they're finally starting to ask some of the fundamental questions about following authority for themselves.

recognize where the boundaries are to forgive yourself and others

That's the tough one, isn't it? I know that when I was a believer, I said and did some pretty awful shit to other people, shit they absolutely didn't deserve, because my entire worldview was warped. Sure, it wasn't my fault I was raised that way, and sure, it's hard to really question the foundation of your upbringing, but at the same time, I caused real harms even though I didn't intend to. You can't change the past; the best you can do it apologize where you can, and try to do better in the future.

treat them how you wish you were treated.

I try. And still, even 30 years later, in the heat of them moment, it's hard to be empathetic. It takes a degree of mindfulness that's hard. I continue to work on it.