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What gross things to say.

I didn’t comment about her body in that comment.

Ah so when you replied to someone commenting on her body and face saying that you would "still" have sex with her after drinking, that was a comment on her deep and rich personality? Just because you didn't literally mention her body in it doesn't make the comment not about her body, and I think you know that.

with caveats ... in front of the right crowd.

Maybe a public forum with a person you don't know is not the right place to make those.

I’ve been to a lot of kink parties and drag shows.

No one is impressed by "I have a black friend", stop using is as justification.

Cis-het peeps don’t have a monopoly on catty coments.

No one said they did, and if you want to get into the weeds of this, folks that are also subjugated under patriarchy share a kinship and an understanding of the contexts and ways 'catty' comments should be made. Maybe going to a couple drag shows doesn't give you the proper context to understand what justifies a 'catty' comment. Maybe a random internet commenter saying they "still would" doesn't come off as a clever fun sassy razzing all the drag queens do. Maybe instead it sounds like basement dweller saying "she's not hot like the chicks I jerk off to, but I guess I would still fuck her".

I did make a deleted comment referring to her Botox or plastic surgery and that I considered it a red flag. I find uncanny valley plastic surgery profoundly unattractive. I don’t remember exactly what I said. It was flippant and arguably objectification.

Wow, I am so proud of you for realizing how wildly disgusting this comment is before leaving it up for too long. I would suggest you grow as a person and have that realization when you think it, and guide yourself away from being a creep.

From my view, the shirt with a funny sexual statement invites other sexual statements.

It doesn't. Stop.