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I have said yes to a date by mistake. (lemm.ee)

submitted 23 hours ago by squid_slime@lemm.ee to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

51 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Met a 22 yo in a group I am involved in, she asked if I wanted a lift to a meeting, there and back. I don't know her very well but she's young a lot younger than me by 10years.

So talking on the way back she mentions antidepressants, I too take anti depressants, the conversation moves towards SSRIs and sex. I panic because that shit makes me supper uncomfortable, she said some stuff that was a blatant hint. Anyway me and her have activity later in the week for the group we're in, she's invited me out for a drink after and being friendly and uncomfortable I said yea sure.

How best to proceed? I don't want things to be weird and our group get weird as a result. I wish I could set boundaries.

Worth mentioning I have crazy anxiety so don't judge too hard I mostly run on auto pilot in those situations.

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[–] CrimeDad@lemmy.crimedad.work 2 points 22 hours ago (2 children)

The lower limit is half your age plus seven, so if you're 32 years old then it makes sense to feel uncomfortable. Are you even attracted to her?

[–] squid_slime@lemm.ee 6 points 22 hours ago (1 children)

No not attracted. Awesome human being and glad to have her in the group but beyond guidance and comradory I have no interest.

[–] CrimeDad@lemmy.crimedad.work 5 points 21 hours ago

Well that's that. If she tries to make it more than friends hanging out, then just politely decline.

[–] tanisnikana@lemmy.world -2 points 22 hours ago (2 children)

Half your age plus seven doesn’t work a lot of the time. I’m 39, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable dating someone who’s even 32, they are baby. Not happening, no way. Likewise, even 46 is too old for me.

Then again, anecdote isn’t data, and DiCaprio effectively cancels me out, so whatever.

[–] CrimeDad@lemmy.crimedad.work 8 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

If you personally prefer to date within a narrower age range that's fine. A lower limit of half your age plus seven (and the corresponding upper limit of your age minus seven times two) is just a reasonable guideline as to whether or not a couple has a socially appropriate age gap.

[–] tanisnikana@lemmy.world 2 points 21 hours ago (2 children)

I’m getting downvoted, but it’s an honest statement and I stand by it.

[–] Walk_blesseD@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 17 hours ago

Don't worry about the downvotes, there's some real fucking creeps here on lemmy. I saw a thread full of guys telling another user not to worry about their middle aged dad being with a literal teenager a week or two ago.

[–] CrimeDad@lemmy.crimedad.work 3 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

Down votes aren't real on here so don't worry about it. For what it's worth, it wasn't me.

[–] tanisnikana@lemmy.world 1 points 21 hours ago (2 children)

But seriously though, DiCaprio freaks me out, Trump freaks me out for the same reason, among others.

I mean, what’s wrong with dating one’s age?

I don’t wanna be dating someone half my age, then I die. That just seems cruel.

[–] tomi000@lemmy.world 2 points 14 hours ago

You dont want to be judged for your preferences but at the same time you judge others for theirs. Thats whats wrong, not your preference itself.

[–] CrimeDad@lemmy.crimedad.work 2 points 21 hours ago

I thought that DiCaprio was dating outside of the range I described. There's nothing wrong with dating your own age. Likewise I don't think there's anything automatically wrong with dating within a wide age range. I think there's such a thing a too wide of an age range and the formula I explained seems to define those limits well.

[–] tomi000@lemmy.world 1 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago)

What the fuck are you talking about xD The amount of narrow-mindedness is off the charts here