this post was submitted on 14 Jan 2025
275 points (97.6% liked)

Not The Onion

12725 readers
1636 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] foggy@lemmy.world 39 points 14 hours ago (4 children)

I can't wait to read "Longevity-Obsessed tech millionaire dies of natural causes at 72 years old."

[–] innermeerkat@jlai.lu 26 points 13 hours ago

You mean at 60 from a cancer with all the sketchy garbage his body had to assimilate?

I remember him taking snake venom injections ffs

[–] Arbiter@lemmy.world 13 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Something something Steve Jobs.

[–] jonne@infosec.pub 14 points 12 hours ago

Still angry about how he basically gave himself pancreatic cancer by following an all fruit diet, then somehow managed to get a transplant before a bunch of way more deserving people. Only to die a few years later anyway.

[–] pastermil@sh.itjust.works 4 points 13 hours ago

That would be funny

[–] Frozengyro@lemmy.world 2 points 14 hours ago (1 children)
[–] foggy@lemmy.world 12 points 14 hours ago

Now now, I'm not trying to be too cruel. Guy hasn't done anything to upset me.

I just know in my heart that he will die like the rest of us.