this post was submitted on 02 Feb 2025
534 points (96.7% liked)
traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
2901 readers
14 users here now
Rules
1.) No bigotry of any kind, and don't be a jerk either
• Bigotry includes but is not limited to: ableism, casteism, homophobia, lookism, queerphobia, racism, sexism, transphobia, and xenophobia. Bigotry towards non-binary people is transphobia. Truscum rhetoric is also bigotry. You getting punished for your hateful opinion, however, is not bigotry.
2.) No Spam
• This includes both advertising and breaking your or my Lemmy instance's rules, such as vote manipulation or brigading.
3.) Posts must have something to do with being trans, or about trans experiences
• Try to stay away from negative political events too. You can joke about it, but bringing attention to something bad happening in the world might take someone out of their comfort zone— this is an escape from the constant news cycle for some.
4.) No Selfies or Character Creations
• Selfies are not memes! This is not a community for selfies. Picrews and other character creations such as Sims and Mii's are considered bandwagoning, and perhaps can be a part of a different community.
5.) SFW-only
• This is an all ages community, so we prefer it if you take the NSFW stuff to one of the more adult oriented communities. Note: nudity is not allowed, we want everybody to be comfortable here.
6.) Submissions must be a meme or they will be removed
7.) Swearing is fine, but slurs are not
• We want everybody to feel safe and comfortable here, so even if you want to reclaim a pejorative word that applies to you— we ask that you don't, as this is a light-hearted community and others stumbling across your post might feel unsafe.
8.) Embedded submissions should only link to trusted image sharing sites, no IP grabbers or link shorteners
9.) Use but don't misuse the report button
• If something breaks these rules, or this Lemmy instance's rules, please report it.
10.) Please do not link to any terf, racist, or any other hate communities or forums
• Bigots like those do not deserve any attention. Any post or comment linking to a hate community or forum will be removed
11.) Don't be a jerk nor a troll
• Be nice, and don't create social chaos. That's it. Pretty simple, huh?
Some notes:
1.) We highly encourage you to use alt text in your posts, so everybody can enjoy this community
2.) It would be really nice if you flaired your posts accordingly in the title
• For example, a meme about the non-binary experience could have a title like this: "[NB] Story of my life!" This will make searching for content much easier.
3.) Don't break the law
• This includes the country you live in as well as the country your instance is hosted in
Sibling forums:
!egg_irl
• Trans memes specifically about being closeted, unaware or in denial
!196
• Ordinary memes, but the community is very trans-accepting— and it only has one rule: when you encounter the page you must post a meme from your camera roll
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
I think Eliott Page is a he
I used zero gendered terms in my comment.
It can come across as weird/deliberate if you're using "they" for trans people but "he"/"she" for cis people (obviously, not gendering is still miles better than misgendering though)
Ratio'd
"their awkwardness"?
"their" is literally a gender neutral pronoun.
Idk about your native language but English does not rely on gender for grammar and therefor you can create sentences describing anything and anyone without assigning gendered pronouns.
"They/them" are not terms assigning no gender, they are terms devoid of assignment.
Using they conveys a detached tone which matches the detached and ambivalent nature of the comment. See similarly "I don't care what they think" or "I don't know why they act that way" which would normally be used in informal conversation to signify a lack of engagement with the subject.
Using "they" conveys that you don't know their gender, such as in your examples. It is often misused for trans people, but seldom do people refer to specific cis people as "they".
Correct. But it's often used for specific cis people when you are trying to create a detached or dismissive tone about those cis people. That's what the poster was doing. They were being very ambivlant and detached about Page's motivations and abilities. It's sensitive because in both cases it's being used to distance yourself from their identity. "I don't care what he thinks" is less dismissive and more confrontational than "I don't care what they think." See similarly "they can do what they want" used when the gender is known, implying you've washed your hands completely of a person vs assigning them agency.
No? I’ve never seen that before and it seems like you’re making this up as you go.
The above poster used "Their awkwardness" as well which isn't a confrontational use of singular they and establishes a habit for distancing themselves from using the known correct pronouns.
In the trans community this is sometimes known as "The coward's they". A soft form of transphobic behavior that refuses someone's gender when a trans person is well known enough or their gender is self evident by their presentation and behaviour but the person referring to them really doesn't want to use the correct pronoun. Sometimes it's a not intentional thing the brain does when outright transphobia mashes up against the brain coding someone they see as passing so "they" starts getting used so the speaker doesn't trip up and accidentally use the correct pronoun. When done intentionally it's designed to be subtle enough to not be caught by people just on the outside edge of trans inclusive communities but to trans people and their nearest and dearest it's usually pretty obvious. Basically a dogwhistle.
You do not need to be a white knight for this person by trying to pour over their diction to try and find some pretext to defend them. Challenges to a coward's they are usually no more than a reminder of a person's actual pronouns. Short and sweet and over with quickly. Either the person gets the hint or they don't care. It's only when this response starts happening that people think using "they" dismissively to trans people works the same way as using "they" dismissively to cis people and the coward's they finds the camouflage it needs to live on because even if this was not a coward's they it functions exactly the same to a trans listener.
Elliott uses he/they pronouns!
Quoting November Kelly, "She, but they if you are mad at me"