I'm in my late 20s now and I feel so much despair.
I think a huge factor that shaped my world is my breakup almost 3 years ago. I had dated several people, actually more than several, before then.
I feel like people think I am delusional when I say this, but he was genuinely the nicest person I've ever met in my life. I don't understand how it's possible for someone to have actually cared about me to the extent he did. At times I felt like he actually cared about me more than my own mom did. It wasn't just that, he was intelligent and hilarious too and we had a lot in common.
Unfortunately I wasn't good enough for him and he didn't want to continue the relationship. This basically fundamentally broke me.
I had my share of heartbreaks before, but even when I met him, I was basically at my breaking point with love. I remember telling myself this was my last try (because I was so done). To this day I literally have no idea how I could have so much in common with someone. It's like we completely agreed on almost every aspect in life. Did he just lie to me or agree with everything I said or something?
Apparently he has also had random acquaintances tell him he's a breath of fresh air and so nice to be around compared to most people, so it's not just me.
I really don't know what to do other than cry about losing him. I've tried so hard to find happiness for myself but how could I let something like that go?
My life hasn't gotten any better since then and I honestly think I am hopeless. Genuinely.
Literally everyone pales in comparison to what I had with him. Even though what I had clearly wasn't real, because ultimately he clearly didn't feel the same about me since he chose to leave. It felt real to me, talking to him is the most enjoyable thing I had experienced in my life.
This all sounds extremely sad and pathetic but really what am I supposed to do? I bet most people haven't even come close to meeting someone like him so they can't relate to this at all. I am going to sound insane again but I think he is some prodigy or something. Like one of those one in a million once in a lifetime people that most won't even get the chance to meet.
I don’t know the person you are talking about, they might genuinely be amazing, they might just have excellent social skills, but the most important thing for you to do is move on.
This isn’t a riddle worth solving. Why did they mesh so well with you? Why didn’t they stick around? Let’s imagine a world where you have these answers with 100% certainty. Does it change anything? No.
I don’t say this to belittle you, but to encourage you. Your happiness, your worth, your life is not this other person.
You deserve happiness and love and all that life has to offer. There are billions of people on this planet and I guarantee you that if you move forward you will find many that will love you and care about you. And you will find many that don’t. And you will find everything in between.
Don’t fall for the trap of there being one true love out there. Take what good you can from that experience and also learn from it. It seems you placed a high degree of importance on sharing similar opinions and interests. That is important, but many people fall madly in love with people that are unlike themselves too. I love my wife with all my heart and we share the same core values but we differ in many ways. I’m loud, she prefers the quiet, I’m an engineer, she’s an artist, but we love those things about each other.
Take away from this that maybe you should bump up how important having a partner who is loyal and able to communicate well is, and notch down how important some of these other aspects.
It hurts going through heartbreak. It is natural and human to want to not feel that pain again. Sadly, love requires that we be vulnerable. Love is a stupid gamble that you can let someone know the real you and they will embrace that and stand by it. It is so special because it is so rare. But I learned something important in my time on earth, most everyone is capable of love, and everyone deserves to be loved.
At the very least, love yourself. We can not change what has passed, but we get to choose what happens next. You get to choose today to love you, and you get to choose it tomorrow and the next day and the next, and I hope you do. And when you love someone, even if that someone is yourself, you won’t be able to bear to see them persist in despair. Find your love of travel, or art, or science, or writing, or whatever brings you joy. Let that love fill your heart for a while.
I hope all the best for you, 20s is far too early to give up. When I feel despair in my own life I remember this quote by Mary Pickford and it’s always made me feel better
Ultimately I think it was just how easy he was to get along with and how much fun we had together. He was also open minded and loved to discuss and brainstorm and ponder about things which I love too. Most people don't care about anything I have to say. Thanks for the thoughtful response.
That makes sense. I’m an engineer and half the things I talk about don’t mean anything to my wife but she still listens. And half of the art things she’s telling me about don’t make sense to me but I love to watch her talk about things she’s excited about and try to understand.
I think the best thing you can do is exactly what this reply does, understand what things you appreciated about the relationship. It’s very important to know what you are looking for and what you value.
I might be an optimist, but I’ve gotten to meet a lot of people in my life and I’m of the opinion that there’s really a lot of good in most people. It’s not always at the surface, but it’s almost always there.
I really do hope the best for you. Life is a beautiful, wonderful, and limited experience. I’m not religious, but I am a mathematician, the number of variables that had to line up just so so that you could exist are a wonder. I hope you live your life to its fullest and look back at this time as nothing more than a speed bump. If a total stranger can care about you, so can the people around you.
Good luck, be kind to yourself.
Thanks for the response. I could be totally wrong but I feel like the country where I'm currently living doesn't have anything for me in it and I don't think I will be happy here. On the other hand I don't know how much better it will be elsewhere. I just feel like the people here are generally awful, especially in the city I live where all the jobs are. I can't move cause of that, and also the pollution in other places is even worse, and if I go to some village it will only be old people there. So yeah life does seem quite limited.
My only solution is moving somewhere else but I'm worried it'll just be a waste of time and money and unnecessary stress, maybe I should just accept my fate here, idk.