I'm in my late 20s now and I feel so much despair.
I think a huge factor that shaped my world is my breakup almost 3 years ago. I had dated several people, actually more than several, before then.
I feel like people think I am delusional when I say this, but he was genuinely the nicest person I've ever met in my life. I don't understand how it's possible for someone to have actually cared about me to the extent he did. At times I felt like he actually cared about me more than my own mom did. It wasn't just that, he was intelligent and hilarious too and we had a lot in common.
Unfortunately I wasn't good enough for him and he didn't want to continue the relationship. This basically fundamentally broke me.
I had my share of heartbreaks before, but even when I met him, I was basically at my breaking point with love. I remember telling myself this was my last try (because I was so done). To this day I literally have no idea how I could have so much in common with someone. It's like we completely agreed on almost every aspect in life. Did he just lie to me or agree with everything I said or something?
Apparently he has also had random acquaintances tell him he's a breath of fresh air and so nice to be around compared to most people, so it's not just me.
I really don't know what to do other than cry about losing him. I've tried so hard to find happiness for myself but how could I let something like that go?
My life hasn't gotten any better since then and I honestly think I am hopeless. Genuinely.
Literally everyone pales in comparison to what I had with him. Even though what I had clearly wasn't real, because ultimately he clearly didn't feel the same about me since he chose to leave. It felt real to me, talking to him is the most enjoyable thing I had experienced in my life.
This all sounds extremely sad and pathetic but really what am I supposed to do? I bet most people haven't even come close to meeting someone like him so they can't relate to this at all. I am going to sound insane again but I think he is some prodigy or something. Like one of those one in a million once in a lifetime people that most won't even get the chance to meet.
That's the thing about relationships: they have to work for both people. The fact that it didn't with him doesn't mean you're bad and he's good, it just wasn't what he needed. If you've dated other people, you've probably experienced the reverse.
Unless all your relationships have broken down for the same reasons, there's no reason to think that the next one won't be better, or the one after that.
One thing though - it's clear from what you posted that your self-esteem is really low, and most of us do self-destructive things when our self-esteem is low. There's a cliche about it being hard to love someone else it you don't love yourself, but bring a cliche doesn't mean it's false. It's also very taxing on someone to be in a relationship with someone that has very low self-esteem. Not everyone can handle that.
Tbh his self esteem was quite low often, but it also fluctuated with periods of thinking he is godlike. I didn't personally find it taxing to deal with his insecurities. I was just bewildered at how much he hated himself and thought he was unworthy of love while simultaneously running away from the one girl who loved him. Kind of funny. Ha ha.