cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/26300715
this post was submitted on 03 Mar 2025
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I understand why it exists in online spaces, at the same time it's on every person to speak up against bad behavior.
I didn't magically become transphobic because someone was an asshole to me and I can empathize with what caused the behavior.
These kinds of reactions are still wrong and is harmful on both the individual level and to the community writ large. Because of that, people should not feel pressured to accept bad behavior or blamed for not walking on egg shells.
We all have the right to be treated with respect and dignity.
It’s true that we all deserve to be treated with respect and dignity but we equally have understand how much easier that is for one group compared to the other. Us cis people have all the power, and trans people are basically forced to exist in a constant state of fight-or-flight.
I remember the kind of person I allowed myself to become when I spent 40hrs a week at a job that didn’t value me. I was overly defensive even outside of work, and my self-esteem was already crappy enough, and this led to judging others too harshly as well. I didn’t even have space to fully recognize that my now ex-girlfriend really did care for me and didn’t have the patience to realize that she was going through exactly the same shit. And that was just my job! Imagine if nearly every waking moment made you constantly ready for a confrontation.
I was ultimately let go because I “wasn’t a good fit”. What really happened was that people with more power than me were mad that I didn’t kiss the ring. I wasn’t mean, but I made the mistake of thinking these people were different because on the face of it they really did seem better. I thought it was safe to talk to them about pay and they led with gaslighting me and trying to devalue me, and any attempt to push back was “rude” and they had the gall to say “I don’t know why you feel you can’t talk to us about stuff”.
Now bring that into this space and you can see how unbalanced everything is. Of course we feel safe around them, we have all the power, and we have to understand that it’s not the same in the other direction. Just being trusted enough to be allowed to be present is a fucking honour we should be proud of.