this post was submitted on 10 Aug 2023
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As an autistic adult, it makes me incredibly sad that you would prefer to meet a transphobe. Occasionally (not on Beehaw as far as I know) I'm accused of being pedantic and argumentative online, but often the cause is a total misinterpretation of my tone and intent. I find it heartbreaking that hanging out with a transphobe is preferable to trying to understand an autistic person, and in all sincerity I hope you will explore the cause of your ableism so you can overcome it.
(This might be somewhat on the spectrum pedantic, but...) I wouldn't call it "ableism". Autism is not a disability by itself, it's just a difference in communication; where neurotypicals focus on the "how" before the "what", people on the spectrum tend to focus on the "what" before the "how". That means, a neurotypical can easily sound like a pompous blob of nothing to someone neurodivergent, while someone neurodivergent can sound like a total asshole to a neurotypical, with neither of them particularly trying to. Meaning, autism is more of a "disability by comparison" in a world dominated by neurotypicals; if it were the other way around, we might be calling the "socio-emos" disabled, unable to focus on a single task without needing a break for some "casual chat".
So I'm not really surprised that a neurotypical would rather meet another neurotypical, even a transphobe, rather than a neurodivergent tolerant person. It is indeed sad, but kind of expected, we just don't speak the same language.
I think we agree on far more than we disagree on. However, for me, autism is legitimately disabling- I am prevented from engaging in many normal life activities that non-autistic people enjoy. Partly this is due to extremely severe sensory processing disorder, which I was told is part of my autism diagnosis and not a separate issue. Partly it's due to ableism, which I define as "social prejudice against people with a specific diagnosis"- which is exactly what's happening when an NT prefers the company of a member of a hate group above the company of someone with an autism diagnosis.
What do you suggest though? We can't force NTs to spend time with autistic people, and it wouldn't be constructive.
What I do is challenge this attitude when I see it. People think it's acceptable to reject autistic people socially, and they continue to think this because nobody's ever pointed out the inherent ableism in such an attitude. It's just considered acceptable to feel that way, just like it would have been acceptable in the 1940s for a white person to not want Black people living in their neighbourhood- the same arguments were put forth, that integration could not and should not be forced on people. Now we know that is wrong. It's time to know that social rejection of autistic people simply on the basis of autism is also wrong.