Moving to: m/AskMbin!

Bit of a dark one? First day of third grade. Intended to remain isolated like I always was. Not because I didn't like people, but because I loved people and I had this weird idea as a kid that, logically, I couldn't be responsible for hurting anyone if I never went near them.

But I was lonely, she addressed me first, and she seemed just as awkward and uncomfortable. So I broke my own rule, and I talked to the new kid. The only person that did talk to her, looking back on it, which is mean. Y'all are mean.

We became very fast friends. Remained best friends all through elementary and middle school. The kind of friend who refused to leave when I told her to, even though she got hit in the face by a rock that was meant for me.

My mom drove me to her 12th birthday party and fell in Like with her dad. Both were married, but both spouses were so cold and distant they might as well not exist. Our parents begin dating, about which we are both thrilled (we consider each other sisters anyway).

Stepdad moves out literally without a word. Just vanishes one day, all his stuff is gone, not even a note. No fight, no court date. Just gone. Friend's dad obtains a divorce from what was already a separation, moves in, lives with us for 2-3 years. Leaves his kids with their abusive mom. This should have been a tip off, really, because he was his daughter's entire world and he didn't even hesitate to walk away.

After a while, begins pulling more and more weird shit. It's very clear the guy she cheated with is now cheating (the shock!), but while they do argue more, she doesn't kick him out. I think partly because she already quit her job to stay home with us, so the guy cheating is the guy paying the bills.

Some woman begins calling the apartment repeatedly, but does nothing but breathe. Probably the same "psycho he'd never met before" who showed up at his work in only a trench coat. The phone begin to mysteriously unplug itself, and he repeatedly blames the cats. No one believes him this time either, but nothing concrete is really done about it except for more insults and general disdain.

Another side effect of an unplugged phone in the 00's: we didn't realize he stopped paying the rent. NC has a grace period of 60 days before eviction. We found out the evening of day 59.

Glossing over the intervening 17 years of homelessness, of whoring and starving and stealing food instead of ever getting to go to high school, of being turned away by shelters in the driving sleet because they were the only place that had room but the intake lady didn't like me.

Of being threatened by cops, stolen from by people who offered help, receiving multiple beatings (two separate assaults by church goers), and inevitably being evicted three more times whenever I'm able to get a place. The last of which just kind of made me give up on successfully attending college.

I have four different mental disorders now. Two of them are the fault of the others. They are reproducing. Neither one of my legs work if I stand for more than 3hrs max, and the lingering skull fracture gives me blinding migraines if I'm out in freezing weather for more than 30-45 minutes. Which honestly shouldn't medically be happening but it is anyway.

My brother, a diabetic, died homeless for lack of insulin. My dad was so broken about it he killed himself. My mom told me to my face multiple times that she wishes it were me.

Because I talked to a kid in the third grade. Who, on our final very brief meeting, screamed at me to stay out of her life. And honestly, that's fair.