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This is a good summary. At this point I am too deeply invested in to NextCloud to switch to a different thing, as I've switched my whole family off OneDrive now and I just cba to go through that again. I can handle it being dogshit and I've got used to it's bugs - a form of stockholm syndrome. I suspect a lot of people are similar to me - we use NextCloud because it's the biggest name and has been around forever, not because it's what we want.
Anyway, performance is clearly a problem, and has been since I started on OwnCloud 10 years ago. I wish the devs would do something to improve it but again, having used it for 10 years, I know that they won't. When it finally blows up I'll move to something else I guess.