Selfhosted
A place to share alternatives to popular online services that can be self-hosted without giving up privacy or locking you into a service you don't control.
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we've thought about this but the documentation isn't user friendly for self hosting. we're generally worried about undesirable people finding it which would not be good.
you can make your instance invite only
The documentation you were looking at might've been the Matrix specification.
There is documentation on how to host a Matrix server, I'd honestly recommend using containers (maybe docker compose) for this one. It can definitely be confusing setting up a service like a Matrix homeserver for the first time.
As for other people finding it, you can (and should) make your homeserver invite-only. It's also possible to disable federation, which makes the server self-contained. It will not accept incoming connections from other servers, nor make outgoing connections to other servers.
This does mean everyone you want to talk with has to be on your homeserver. There are probably better options available if you want to avoid Matrix' federation issues, like Spacebar.
There is no risk of others finding it if you don't turn on federation. It becomes a fully private instance. Just set federation to false.
https://github.com/spantaleev/matrix-docker-ansible-deploy
Disable registrations and just create your own users manually.
Continuwuity.org has reasonable documentation, and you can (and should) disable signups or require a token to sign up.