I am my gfs first partner, she is my second. The girl I dated prior (for 6 months) was a vlogger and for like 3 months made a lotta relationship and prank videos wth me which I was fine with at the time. Now my current gf is my first ever real crush and Ive been into her for a decade.
So my gf stalked my ex somehow, idk how consodering Im not on social media myself (this account is the literal exception). She then asked a LOT of questions about my ex, I dodged just about every question. After that she just pulled away and was distant and would barely talk to me or meet up. She finally told me she found my ex's yt channel and watched every single thing on there.
Now I think Ive been VERY understanding and comforting to her, reassuring her literally every day since, being very loving and romantic to the point of cringing myself out. But she never really got over what she saw, idk if she rewatched that stuff or not but it was def smth thats always been in the back of her mind. She also knows that I broke up with my ex since I was moving countries and not bc the relationship was bad.
Now for the terrible part, smth i truly did not remember was that me and my ex had made a more personal video which was still saved somewhere on my laptop. I absolutely did not know of this and if I did I woulda gotten rid of it. Now my gf has access to my laptop (with my approval ofc) and she somehow stumbled upon it, I caught her curled up in my bed absolutely bawling her eyes out with the video playing on my desk. I have never felt this disgusting.
This is the first time my gf has denied my hug for comfort or just been so repulsed by me, she wont touch me while i explained everything, I deleted said video infront of her and begged her for a week. First she told me she needed to think things over but knowing her she wanted me chasing and I did just that, second week Ive given her space and theres been no change. We have had 2 dry 5 min convos in the last week.
How do I fix this or make it upto her???
Tl;dr: Gf found an old personal video involving an ex and wont talk to me anymore.
Simply put? You don't. She needs to get over this. Delete the video, of course, there's no reason to have it saved anymore anyway, but then she needs to get the fuck over the fact that you've been in a relationship before.
But be more open with her. You being evasive was not the best move and you need to account for that, but her digging into your past relationship was stupid she'll have to come to terms with that. You guys are young and you're making young people mistakes. You'll get through it.
Thanks, hope this isnt the end for us.
She's insecure as hell, and that can be ok. People are all different, and maybe she just needs a bit of security right now, but fuck man how much of this shit do you want to eat?
You are going to need to find a line, and on the other side of it is a grown ass woman who doesn't care who you fucked before so long as you ain't gonna burn her. Whether that's the girl you're with now or not is up to her. And you.
You need to be ok with this being over for your own sake. She's toxic af.
My ex-wife was like this.
Right when me and her started dating, I went to go see a friend of mine named Michelle who I had been friends with since I was a teenager and I ended up getting drunk at Michelle's place with her and her husband and sleeping on their couch.
My ex-wife for some reason got it in her head that I slept with Michelle that night.
I did everything I could to sort the misunderstanding out. I vehemently denied the accusation, I offered to let her and Michelle talk and to meet Michelle's husband and she refused. She had decided that Michelle would lie for me to cover me and it was pointless to talk to her.
I spent several years trying to fix things, trying to patch over the insecurities and to make things better and to solve the problem and to fix it so that she could trust me and be happy with me and her the way I was.
Despite all of this, I thought we had worked things out, I thought that we were in a good place. We got married 2 years later, we had a lot of fun with each other and things were great.
Several years later, Michelle's mom died. I wanted to go to the funeral, the ex-wife said that I could not go, I had to pick attending one of my best friend's mother's funeral or my wife.
This caused a major rift between us. I did not sleep in the same bed with her again after this. For months I kept my distance and I tried to work things out with her and anytime I brought up any attempt whatsoever to resolve the issue between us she would clam up and completely refuse to talk.
She wanted things her way and anything that I wanted did not fucking matter anymore.
We spent a year in that stalemate, and finally I got an offer to come to another state and get a new job and make a shit ton more money and I told her that I was going to take the job.
She told me that it was her or the job and I had to pick.
Last time, I didn't go to my friend's mom's funeral, I didn't do what my wife wanted either. I spent a year in misery over that decision. I wasn't going to do that again, so I told her I was moving.
The last thing she said to me as she was packing up her stuff to leave was that "I know you fucked Michelle" as she slammed the door.
That insecurity stayed with her our entire relationship and ruined everything and there wasn't a goddamn thing I could have done about it.
Even if I had devoted my entire life to serving her every minor whim and need in the back of her head she still would have been thinking I fucked Michelle.