this post was submitted on 14 Jul 2026
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I think a lot of the guys who end up in that sphere are struggling with loneliness and severe self esteem issues. You can't help them all, but everytime you demonize men's emotions and mock the male loneliness epidemic, you will raise the risk of creating new enemies. Nobody likes to be treated like they are the enemy out of the gate, when they most likely are hurting really bad inside and only need the right nudge to go in a better direction.
I think it is very common for people in general to fall for extreme views when they are hurting, but most people find a way to course correct if they have a support system around them. Those who don't have that are truly vulnerable to going down the rabbit hole.
It's kinda like trying to help someone who is stuck in an abusive relationship. You go in and tell them their partner is shit and if they stay with them, then they are shit too. The success rate of getting someone away from their abusive partner by using that tactic, I assume is close to zero. It is hard. The deeper in with the abuse they are, the harder it becomes to help them, and I think that's why it's usually easier to just give up on people and call them names rather than actually trying to be patient and empathetic to their situations.
I have listened to a lot of people who either are or were incels at some point and it is far from all of them who are terrible, irredeemable monsters. Especially the teens. If I was supposed to be held responsible for every brain dead idea I had as a teen, then it would be a pretty shitty life. Especially if I was expected to atone for everything hurtful I said or did when I was depressed and being abused by people I thought wanted the best for me.
I feel like everyone gets further by showing compassion and care and getting to the root of what can turn someone toward cult-like environments. Extreme loneliness, possible mental health issues and a failing support system is key in most situations and if we are willing to be that for someone and to show them that they don't have to atone for life for things they did when they were in a very dark place, then we will probably see positive results.