Autism

Okay. Let me be clear I am licenced in Ontario only, but have passing knowledge of the US PE licence process.

Being a K12 teacher is a noble and valuable job and you can still contribute to the engineering world in that job, so please don't take anything I say as being against that path. I became an engineer because my high school physics teacher was like, "Hey potato ever think of robotics?" And then I became a chemical engineer and never looked at anything but ladder logic again lol 😅 But I had never considered engineering before because I didn't know any engineers and didn't know what they did.

With respect to engineering work specifically, I want to challenge you to question some of the assumptions I think you are making. Maybe you've done all this and if so sorry for wasting your time 😬

PE

Licencing is a really confusing process. When you said

I’ve had five engineering jobs, and I still don’t have my PE license. I’m sure I could pass the exam for it just fine, but you need positive references documenting a certain number of years of work experience. I just can’t get the references for it. I never leave an engineering office job with good references.

it caught my attention. I don't know what specific state you are in so I just looked at NY and the experience validation form has no character assessment. It's strictly about the accuracy of your claimed experience and if you were competent in performing it. The bar is so far below a positive employment reference. Validators do not put that much thought into it besides being accurate. They know it's not about if you are "a good fit".

In Ontario it is a P.Engs duty to do these forms for applicants and refusing without good reason (like being on sick leave) would be problematic. I imagine it must be viewed the same in the states. Maybe if the candidate is incompetent they give them a polite "I think you should ask someone else" rather than answering negatively. You didn't say you were fired from your jobs for technical performance so I assume you are not incompetent as an engineer.

Of course filling out the experience form is challenging and resulted in me applying 6 months after I met all the requirements 😬 That's a whole other AuDHD struggle but doesn't mean it can't be overcome, perhaps with some support.

Office work

I am also incapable of office work. I found a job where I am technically in an office for a significant portion of my time, but I am teaching and reviewing and doing site visits etc. I do not work on billable hours. I am part of emergency response and hold a trade licence as well. There are very few of me but we are in high demand. Not enough that it pays a tonne but enough that I get real people (that I know, lol) hitting me up and seeing if I'm looking to move on. And that's being a big ol' weirdo. There is a point where you find a niche and excel at it and so long as you aren't going to cause an HR problem people generally just deal with it. The challenge is finding the niche (and not burning yourself out because you can't stop working 😅 ). I'm not especially smart or talented. I had a solid B GPA. I'm just deeply curious in a way that serves my particular niche well.

You mentioned a little bit about other jobs:

I could pick another area of engineering, maybe something more field-based or engineering sales, but those are hard to find with my background. And starting in a new engineering field/position type would involve essentially starting from scratch.

I want to challenge how you know this. No offense, but it's always a bit of a process integrating academics into the practical engineering practice. The academic world (even if they are working with industrial partners) is so insular. I have recently hired a P.hD and part of my on boarding is just to make space for the inevitable existential crisis he will face.

I would encourage you to find a local and as specific professional practice group as possible and attend events and sign up for mentorship programs and just learn about the actual industry you want to work in. I had no idea my industry existed until final year and had no idea about the breadth until a few years in. There are job you have never thought about that exist. I won't be able to come up with examples because I am not structural but things like site inspector on a construction project come to mind. Jobs without Engineer in the title that are still engineering (and qualify for PE experience). I got my experience as a "technologist".

The other thing I wanted to comment on is this:

I entered this field with the dream of being some great engineer designing towering bridges and skyscrapers.

I really want to encourage you to interrogate this worldview. I can't speak with absolute certainty but I've been responsible (on the client side) for the technical success of a $300M design-bid-built major infrastructure project and the great engineer doing the design...doesn't exist. It's dozens of engineers checking the work of further dozens of technicians after the PM and technical leads gather the required client scope and data. It's people facilitating design review to capture the clients comments, and someone keeping track of the issues log. It's people managing file systems and technical libraries and adjusting tender docs and commissioning guidelines based on lessons learned from the last one. It's the civil site inspector flagging that it's too humid to apply the coating, or the general site inspector issuing a stop work because the contractors staff have never met a travel restraint system and are climbing on shit. The people with their names on the project get like 5 billable hours a month for a very small portion of the life cycle. They are not doing the detailed work, just super high level oversight.

I'm not saying this to crush your dreams. Everyone who contributes to a project, even the admin staff who keep the records, are critical to the success and should feel proud of their achievement and share in the glory. I also thought I'd be out there designing things one day and felt sad I wouldn't get to work in the "glamourous" (LMAO) world of engineering consulting. It is not accurate to say I don't do any design, but it's not what I thought it would be. As I learned more about the reality of engineering practice in my field I adjusted my goals and measures of success. Your local professional organizations should be able to help you get a better real-world understanding of this as well.

I don't have it all figured out. I got diagnosed last year and am trying to figure out accommodations now and it's...messy. It might be true that it is not a field where you will be happy and healthy and that's not a failure. But I think if you would like to continue to pursue it, that it might be worth making some connections with practitioners and seeing if your experience was too narrow to make a call based on and if there are other paths that interest you. Or even ways you can keep your interest without it being your profession.

(As an example I am a hobbyist potter and I have no interest in doing it for work either as an artisan or an artist but that doesn't mean I can't still enjoy the interest, right? You can still be interested in and research/keep up to date with structural things even if it's not how you make your living.)

Hope this helped. Good luck.