Autism

I am in a similar boat. Or I should say, I wish I was in your boat, so to speak. I'm a highly experienced engineer. The compensation is adequate. Only one problem, I hate design engineering. I have a real contempt for the entire field. Part of the job is calculating estimates that meet the profit expectations of the boss but also affordable for the client, all of which are neuro-fucking-typical and have no perspective at all. Then the projects involve tasks that take weeks, or months, or even years. I heavily rely on people responding to emails or messages and the management are all dinosaurs who don't view email as legitimate communication. If I didn't stand in front of their desk or literally call these rubes and allow them to audibly molest my time with their awkward nonsensical mundanity, then I basically didn't try at all. I can't just turn in a timesheet after doing work; I have to justify every second of my day toward a specific task and then track that task completion for the assholes upstairs that don't generate revenue at all. The HR manager listens to the Harry fucking Potter 2 theme music on repeat ALL FUCKING DAY and the last time I complained to HR about anything it nearly ruined my career.

But, for a number of years I worked in inspections and investigations. The compensation is garbage but the work is bliss. I want to light this office on fire and flee back to that, but it would mean a total upheaval of my family's life. We would need to move, I would lose my garage, go back to fighting for parking or getting hit on my bike by shitty drivers. No more vacations, no toys, and Walmart fucking groceries.

I know what I want, but I don't know how to get there. I'm hoping my partner can get a more lucrative position so I can change jobs without significant effect. I'm not sure.

But that's where I am. No measurable metrics and playing the fucking social game. I hate it. It helps to imagine that we were all cavemen and the neurotypicals are sitting idly while I watch a sabertooth sneak up on them. But instead of alerting them and keeping them alive so they can inevitably destroy our language, society, culture, economy, traffic, planet, etc. I just watch as they get torn limb from limb while screaming in agony. 😊 Our society just got a little less dumb.