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this post was submitted on 30 Jul 2026
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I think that the group of feelings we refer to as love can manifest in a variety of ways. Personally, I've had two long term relationships that were built on different kinds of love.
One was stable and secure, built on mutual trust and respect. We had fabulous communication, healthy conflict resolution, and a shared commitment to one another. There were also challenges that were bearable only because of that solid foundation.
On the other hand, I've experienced the passionate kind of love that gets glamorized in music and stories, or at least some degree of it. This is that falling feeling, passion, sexuality, and excitement. But that relationship was also somewhat unstable, so it was unfortunately an unsustainable feeling.
Both times, when the realization hit me that I had "fallen in love" (or developed a strong attachment, really) to this person, I was so overwhelmed and cried.
I don't think one is necessarily preferable to the other. An intellectual connection, sexual chemistry, and shared goals are all more important to me than butterflies in my stomach.