this post was submitted on 04 Aug 2026
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I think that many people (not only men) believed that having women's rights legally enshrined would be all that was required. You have the same rights now, so surely any failures must be because you're doing something wrong (like the whole bs lean-in idea).
The reality has proven to be far more difficult. True equality requires a fundamental shift in how society thinks about women, which requires effort from each individual.
Discovering and changing your internalised biases is hard work, the kind people often need therapy for. Having to do that when it means recognising and acknowledging your personal privilege is even harder. Add in pressure to fit in with your peers and it can quickly become something you'd rather just avoid. That's a very normal human reaction. In order to overcome this, women have had to basically scream each message from the rooftops until it finally sank in, and the internal changes started.
However, screaming things from rooftops means some people will feel bombarded, while others are likely exhausted, feeling like "I changed thinking x and y, what more do you want from me? I'm doing my best, why isn't it enough?", and, again, respond by avoiding the topic.
Tldr, it's hard work for no immediate benefit to the person doing the work, possibly even negative consequences socially. Who wouldn't want to avoid that? Also some people are exhausted from the work they've already done.
This is indeed another problem. Successful change tends to be incremental, but when dealing with social issues going "incrementally" basically leaves people in the dust.
There was a lot of bad blood over gay marriages, for example, in some gay/lesbian quarters when that hard-won right was finally achieved (though there's loads of signs of this backsliding now because ... well ... gestures vaguely in the direction of the world). After a major social bloodbath they'd finally accomplished a major goal only to get "sandbagged" (as they called it: their words not mine!) by the trans community basically saying, again from their perspective, "how dare you celebrate your victory when we're still in chains?"
And that's the problem right there. From a strictly analytical point of view, gay marriage was a HUGE victory for the progressive movement and an incremental change in the right direction ... but trans people were also right. Because people aren't statistics, and if the statistics show that things are "better" in some ways, the people who aren't in that "better" crowd are still suffering. And are rightly upset that, again from their perspective, it seems that their allies are ending the battle because they got what they wanted. The numerically smaller group is being asked, in essence, to act as triage. To act as cannon fodder and to be patient as they waited for their turn. This is profoundly unfair; it may also be profoundly necessary. (After all women started to get rights while queer society had to wait, right? Women got the vote before gay marriage was a thing.)
Fortunately that brief period of bad blood ended and we've kept up the pressure, but it highlights another serious problem: that exhaustion you mentioned. The battle is wearying and seems never-ending. Every time a gain is made here, there's either a falling back there, or a new battle to be fought in another place. People have limited energy (and that energy evaporates as they get older on top of that!) and at some point the question starts entering our minds: "What's the point?"
Now add in the fact that men aren't even really in the fight for women's rights. (SOME men are, but men as a whole are not.) They're viewing it as them giving things up. Many of them do it willingly. At first. But then, from their perspective, each time they do so, a new demand for them to give something up rises and ... well ... they get weary too. And unlike women, or LGBTQ+, racial groups, or ... they don't have a vested interest in effecting the change. (They view it as giving things up, remember! It's always been a struggle to present a positive face from progressive change to the dominant sector of society, even without the bad-faith blowback from those opposed to us.)
And I wish I knew how to solve that running out of steam and resentment at the never-ending struggle thing equitably. (I say this who's in the running out of steam stage herself.) I mean, using myself as an example, I could just stop and hand the reins off to the younger generation. But then I'm sitting here and seeing the younger generation make photocopies of every mistake my generation made (who ourselves made Gestetner copies of every mistake social activists made before us, who transcribed in monastic cells every mistake social activists made before them, presumably). This seems counter-productive. But I'm increasingly out of the energy needed to keep going on.¹ Maybe I should just step back and hope the generation after this one uses better quality paper and high quality laser printers to make their mistakes.
¹ Before anybody asks in private, no I'm not in a great place right now. And no I won't be sharing why.
Just dropping a comment to say I really enjoy reading what you write, ZDL. You have a way with words and your writing is clear and effective. I like getting a glimpse into your thoughts. Thanks for being a part of this space.
i agree
So I am a zillennial, and I have been noticing more gen z people that care about civil rights and social justice take a more intersectional approach and say things like a loss for one group is a loss for all. I also think it was more fostered by the social media environment on TikTok before 2025, and I know the majority of people will not care about anyone not like them with exceptions I guess for the times when there are no political or socioeconomic stresses or resistance to being empathetic. It feels like in my lifetime since the time I was a teen that we really made a ton of progress, while conservatives were building up their rhetoric. Now people are stressed, they're more closed off. The right in America is running this huge misogyny campaign, and I think a lot of people are eating it up out of a need for comfort or want to be taken care of in hard times. I remember seeing this study where they compared liberal and conservative temperaments and the conservatives were more fearful, and I also remember hearing that higher wealth inequality correlates with polarization. I think we are weirdly fortunate in this time with the conservative president being extremely unpopular. It leaves an opening for more grassroots left leaning candidates that, sure, talk to the majority first but can openly promise not to leave any one group behind. Especially with the queer, trans and feminist issues they really all are a struggle against patriarchy. And then racial and xenophobia issues are about hierarchies in general. Maybe it's just my bubble, but I notice a lot more young people are noticing these are all struggles with a common goal. I am scared for what happens when the selfishness and exhaustion kicks in. I also noticed a lot more women are collectively waking up to all the little forms of misogyny in romcoms or entitled behaviors or roles in the household despite both parents working. And I think more progressives are also recognizing how racial rhetoric is used to keep the poor poor and what the southern strategy was. It feels like things can be such a cycle in in different directions. Idk, maybe I'm just naive, but I think awareness is higher. Social media was huge opportunity. And even if it's skewed towards propoganda since Trump took office again, I think enough people know better. Everyone's upset. I'm honestly kind of holding my breath. Trump reshaping the supreme court in his first term was a huge problem, and in this presidency red states get a free pass to enact whatever they want. But I also see conservative voters splitting apart and losing faith after Trump screwed them too. I think moderates are looking for new positions, and left leaning voters have learned a lot about the issues and how they intersect. Sorry if this has been a little incoherent, these are just really uncertain times and I am pretty tired already. But I don't think it's remotely over yet, and we have a major opportunity to educate people looking for a better solution than giving in and seeking conservative comfort or some moderate that would keep the status quo.
This is probably my not-great place speaking here, so take it with a grain of salt…
…but…
…the flower children of the '60s and '70s became the yuppies and investment banking raiders of the '80s and '90s.
Wasn't it the promises of trickle down economics and libertarianism? Young people today are seeing what that got us. Most people are working 2 jobs just to get by and college is too expensive and student loans are a homelessness risk because there is no guarantee you will even get a job in your field when you graduate. Baby boomers reaped the benefits of the New Deal, built wealth and immediately stripped the new deal away. I think the ones that built wealth are too comfortable to notice, and trust whoever keeps their money growing at the expense of everyone they never talk to. Idk, maybe this is just going to be a cycle. I hate to think that we're going to have another new deal but with less racism this time and another wave of anti-trust and then my kids are going to be the ones pulling the rug from under people born three generations after them. Also I think the baby boomers just had large numbers, and that gave them a ton of voting power. So maybe the next people that benefit from reform will have to actually rely on this manipulative type of coalition rich people form with the prejudiced now. Or maybe the heritage foundation wants to strip reproductive rights away for multiple reasons and not just blind sexism. I really hope tackling things like systemic racism and the way that gets people who are poor and haven't confronted their own bias to vote against their own economic interests out of fear of an other, can break the power of generations born in good times taking advantage of it. And I am seeing young people at least for a moment here realize the scam because Trump has taken it to such a grotesque extreme. Idk, people are probably just self centered from the demands put on them by society. When something effects you it forces you to care. Education is going to be so important to break the cycles that keep happening and as long as people aren't radical there will always be a reason pushed to them, encouraging them to hate it.
Women’s rights are not even legally enshrined everywhere, including in the U.S.