Autism

I'm really confused by my current relationship.

This woman is extremely busy with constant bullshit--gardeners, plumbers, tree guys, pavement repair and with her business. Our plans are always provisional. "We'll get together tomorrow night," can mean anything from, "we'll get together tomorrow night" to "I guess I can drop by at 8:30pm" to "I have to shower and go to bed at 9:30pm, so I can´t see you (but I can text you at 11pm)" to "I have to be somewhere at 11am tomorrow morning so, no."

Easy drop, right?

But when we are together she is 100% devoted to me and it feels amazing. She doesn't want to do anything but bask in my magnificence. We can just lay in bed talking for hours.

It's also a little bit of a problem, because we can't almost do anything unless it directly involves us interacting. Can we watch this video? Maybe later. Can I see what your facebook groups are? Later. Can I see what's going on with your router? Later. Can we watch a video on avoidant attachment styles? Later. Can I just come over and do some stuff on my phone while you do you stuff? No, absolutely not. Can I spend the night? No, I sleep better in my own bed. Can we cook dinner? No, I don´t like cooking. Can I help you with yardwork? No, I can´t ask you to do that and I have people. Can I bring my dog over? No, I don't want him peeing everywhere (very low risk) and I dont want hair on everything (medium risk). Can I go along with you on some of your trips? No, I like to work alone. Do you want me to teach you some music on the piano you bought to learn to play piano on? No, I don't have time for that.

I mean, she's into me as much as I think she can be, but she's just extremely closed off in almost every way except the one that is everyone's gold standard--emotional availability.

It's like ice cream that has cream and sugar, but no flavoring. You can´t say it's not ice cream and you feel like a bit of a jerk for saying you don´t like it because it meets the minimum requirements for being ice cream, but you realize that ice cream actually means more to you than the strictest minimal dictionary definition of ice cream.

Likewise, she says she cares about me and that she loves me and I can feel like she means it, so what more can a guy want? But then she just blows me off for a long series of stupid shit which she says is short-term but has been constant and never ending in the six months we've been seeing each other.

I didn´t see her for eight days. Six days she was with her family, then the next day I was too depresssed to see her (and honestly not feeling great about the r/), the next day she forbade me from driving 10 minutes to see her during the storm, then we had one LOVELY night together, where she blocked off her evening to spend time with me instead of chatting with family, and then the next day was the same bullshit: we'd agreed to meet, but she forgot about it and than was busy and tired.

So I'm hesitant because I tend to bounce out of relationships when things get too serious, and every time I bring this stuff up, she minimizes the fuck out of it and talks about how into me she is and that feels real; I end up feeling like a reactive little baby tantrumming because I'm not getting my infantile needs met; but then I think, no, like, objectively, this is bullshit, this isn't how any girlfriend has ever been with me. We see each other reliably several times a week and incorporate each other into our daily activities... it's this person that is being bizarre.

Edit: We have another one of our long talks and she really is being very patient and understanding. I think she really does care about me, but ultimately, we might want different things, but also, maybe, she needs time to adjust.