Ghosted by a guy I thought I had a strong connection with but was very physically affectionate on our first dates and suddenly changed his tone - should I follow up? (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by appledinosaurcat@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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I matched with a guy on a dating app, and we seemed to get along well from the chemistry and conversation down to humor. The first date was great and unlike others I've had, although I noticed he was very straightforward physically, kissing me several times. I've had to deal with guys with wrong intentions in the past so I was cautious and told him on our next date that I prefer to move more slowly after he was trying to cuddle a lot, smelling my hair, and kissing my neck - even though he stated that he is looking for a long-term relationship after getting to know people and seeing who is most compatible. He was strangely quiet and didn't say much once I communicated that. Then he pulled back and seemed less interested when I asked if he was free to meet again, ghosted me for a few days, and then finally sent a transactional text saying he didn't see long-term romantic potential and didn't want to string me along. I felt so sad and confused at the sudden shift, and asked if we can have a call just to talk for a bit but he completely ghosted me again and removed his entire dating focus description (it was "Long-term relationship" at the time of our dates, previously "Long-term, open to short-term", and was not publicly shared at all before that)

Should I follow up? There are some topics I thought may be good to clarify and address through a text message in case those were what turned him away or are areas he thought I could've done better. For example, he was patient with my response speed in our early conversations while I was especially busy and intermittent on the app. Also without being too specific, there was something he may have felt I should've done during our first date, but I saw it differently (relating to traditional chivalry), and maybe he feels like I should apologize for that. I really have no idea and feel like I didn't get closure, but I also feel betrayed that he didn't even think that I deserve one call. Is this a lost cause? What exactly happened, and was he ever intentional (he also had a few situationships recently)?

Any advice, help, or even just empathy would be appreciated!

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[-] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 20 points 1 day ago

A lot of women say they stop using apps because the vast majority of their male dates are just looking for sex.

Those men have learned that just asking want sum fuk? will be unsuccessful, so they learn to play along with whatever minimal romance/interaction they think is expected of them, but they leave quickly if they don't get it or, worse: they pretend to be interested in a relationship until you have sex with them, then they leave.

From what you're describing, your date is one of these men. Sorry.

Where are you from, OP? You might get better advice from your locale.

[-] dil@lemmy.zip 1 points 22 hours ago

Women do the same tho, idk why yall are acting like this is male exclusive, it's the norm if anything, no ones just going want sum fuck, everyones playing along, thats why most ppl use these dating apps that I know, (im 26 so maybe its different at different age groups, but most ppl my age or below are using those apps for hookups, with sex being the main reason, if anything else like a relatioship develops it happensif it happens)

this post was submitted on 26 Aug 2026

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