Ghosted by a guy I thought I had a strong connection with but was very physically affectionate on our first dates and suddenly changed his tone - should I follow up? (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by appledinosaurcat@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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I matched with a guy on a dating app, and we seemed to get along well from the chemistry and conversation down to humor. The first date was great and unlike others I've had, although I noticed he was very straightforward physically, kissing me several times. I've had to deal with guys with wrong intentions in the past so I was cautious and told him on our next date that I prefer to move more slowly after he was trying to cuddle a lot, smelling my hair, and kissing my neck - even though he stated that he is looking for a long-term relationship after getting to know people and seeing who is most compatible. He was strangely quiet and didn't say much once I communicated that. Then he pulled back and seemed less interested when I asked if he was free to meet again, ghosted me for a few days, and then finally sent a transactional text saying he didn't see long-term romantic potential and didn't want to string me along. I felt so sad and confused at the sudden shift, and asked if we can have a call just to talk for a bit but he completely ghosted me again and removed his entire dating focus description (it was "Long-term relationship" at the time of our dates, previously "Long-term, open to short-term", and was not publicly shared at all before that)

Should I follow up? There are some topics I thought may be good to clarify and address through a text message in case those were what turned him away or are areas he thought I could've done better. For example, he was patient with my response speed in our early conversations while I was especially busy and intermittent on the app. Also without being too specific, there was something he may have felt I should've done during our first date, but I saw it differently (relating to traditional chivalry), and maybe he feels like I should apologize for that. I really have no idea and feel like I didn't get closure, but I also feel betrayed that he didn't even think that I deserve one call. Is this a lost cause? What exactly happened, and was he ever intentional (he also had a few situationships recently)?

Any advice, help, or even just empathy would be appreciated!

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[-] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 2 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 22 hours ago)

skipped a second date and got a series of messages re: 'we had such good chemistry, I thought you were into me, you didn't object etc'., and no, I didn't stop things at the time, she was very physically pleasant and sat in my lap, wrapped her arms around me etc., but I knew before the end of the evening it wasn't going to work. And she told a mutual friend that I was all over her, which, not really, but I guess - I didn't push her away - and that I sent too many mixed messages.... when the one message I sent was "sorry, I don't think we're a good match."

and it comes down to: I don't want to be with someone who doesn't read. Period. I'm shallow that way; I don't care WHAT people read, it could be golden books, romance, chaucer, seuss, anything, just read, anything, ok? don't absorb 100% of your worldview from TV.

what I'm saying is, people sometimes perceive things differently, if he can't articulate a why, perhaps it's embarrassing to him or he's afraid it would embarrass you.

this post was submitted on 26 Aug 2026

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