[Answered]:
People who are attracted to trans people are far more likely to only be attracted to our hormonal sex than to only be attracted to our assigned sex at birth.
In general in queer spaces it's understood that sexual orientation respects gender identity, for example I like both cis and trans women, but have no desire for anyone with a testosterone dominant body, and I identify as a lesbian.
Some people aren't into trans people of their preferred gender, just like some people aren't into fat people of their preferred gender. In general the rules of politeness that one would follow for the latter should go for the former.
Thanks @captainlezbian@lemmy.world
Honorable mentions @MagicShel@lemmy.zip and @Barley_Man@sopuli.xyz
Thank you all so far for being considerate and kind.
Posed Question: So the question of gender identity as I understand it is basically a solved question: people identify as they identify, and that seems totally reasonable. Go to the bathroom you want to use, just wash your hands. The argument is tautological, a woman is what she tells you she is.
What does this actually mean though at the intersection of gender identity with sexual preference? I don't know where else to ask this to get better responses so I expect to get raked across the coals.
If a woman is a woman, a person who says "I crave girl dick" is then a straight perspective? I have a hard time agreeing with it on the merits, but that might be a me problem?
What is the current, accepted perspective here?
By all means, whatever gets your jollies off go do it. I'm not yucking anyone's yum, at the same time, while people say "gender identity and sexuality are different things" it seems to me that it sort of invalidates traditional definitions of sexuality if parts are all arbitrary?
Can someone help with some steering? I've got little kids and niblings and I don't want to be the inadvertent asshole.
Something else that I think is an important part of this discussion, especially in regard to family members, is long-term medical issues.
There are a lot of medical conditions that are gender-specific, especially with aging. For one example, an FTM transitioned individual will likely still experience menopause. That is the actual menopause condition, not just similar symptoms. An MTF individual may experience menopause-like symptoms due to complications with estrogen therapy. Evidence also suggests that transgender women have the same risk of cardiovascular issues as the general male population:
Functionally, if you were born male then your cardiovascular system is still the same. However, as noted in this study there is not a large body of research on this specific subject and there are many complicating factors, so the above conclusion is tentative. Hopefully we will get more research and better statistics, but long-term studies are slow.
Unfortunately these issues don't go away just because you look and feel different now - we just don't have the technology to make real changes to your genetics, not yet anyway.
If you are transitioning, obviously you're having a lot of conversations with your medical team about all of this. I would encourage you to please also discuss it with your family. They won't have all the specifics that you do about the side effects unless you talk to them about it.
If your family is disassociating with you because of your transition - first of all I am very, very sorry and I hope you either have or find some new family. Please please make an effort to have a person in your life (other than a medical professional) who you can trust enough to discuss your medical situation with. I know it's very personal, but like... everybody needs care and support, and to get that you need other people with patience and understanding, and to have understanding you need communication. Talk to people who care about you, and give them at least some of the specifics. And really... you need that care and support from someone directly involved in your personal life, not just the trans community on the internet. You need someone who can look at you and see that you are struggling.
Thanks for adding! That seems valuable to the discussion.
I worry for my sister, who is transitioning at 30+ and has some other chronic health issues.
Good luck to her and hopefully best outcomes!