[Answered]:
People who are attracted to trans people are far more likely to only be attracted to our hormonal sex than to only be attracted to our assigned sex at birth.
In general in queer spaces it's understood that sexual orientation respects gender identity, for example I like both cis and trans women, but have no desire for anyone with a testosterone dominant body, and I identify as a lesbian.
Some people aren't into trans people of their preferred gender, just like some people aren't into fat people of their preferred gender. In general the rules of politeness that one would follow for the latter should go for the former.
Thanks @captainlezbian@lemmy.world
Honorable mentions @MagicShel@lemmy.zip and @Barley_Man@sopuli.xyz
Thank you all so far for being considerate and kind.
Posed Question: So the question of gender identity as I understand it is basically a solved question: people identify as they identify, and that seems totally reasonable. Go to the bathroom you want to use, just wash your hands. The argument is tautological, a woman is what she tells you she is.
What does this actually mean though at the intersection of gender identity with sexual preference? I don't know where else to ask this to get better responses so I expect to get raked across the coals.
If a woman is a woman, a person who says "I crave girl dick" is then a straight perspective? I have a hard time agreeing with it on the merits, but that might be a me problem?
What is the current, accepted perspective here?
By all means, whatever gets your jollies off go do it. I'm not yucking anyone's yum, at the same time, while people say "gender identity and sexuality are different things" it seems to me that it sort of invalidates traditional definitions of sexuality if parts are all arbitrary?
Can someone help with some steering? I've got little kids and niblings and I don't want to be the inadvertent asshole.
Consider this; if a guy says he's straight, that means he's into women, right?
Which means he's attracted to every single woman who has ever existed, regardless of appearance, body type, hair, age, skin colour, weight....
Obviously not. That would be insane. So these categories aren't absolute or all encompassing.
What about a guy who says he likes blondes. Does that mean he's never allowed to be attracted to a redhead? If his blonde girlfriend dyes her hair, does she suddenly become absolutely repulsive? If a girl he otherwise has no attraction dyes her hair blonde is he automatically going to find her sexy as hell?
So if someone says they're straight, that's really about as meaningful as saying you like blondes. It, broadly, expresses a preference. Nothing more.
The only difference is that societally, we're taught to treat one of these things as absolutely fundamental to our identity and the other as largely inconsequential. But in truth they both carry about as much weight.
The reality is, you're attracted to who you're attracted to. That's all there is to it. The idea of trying to define your sexuality, in any absolute way, is completely pointless. You are you. There has never been anyone else exactly like you in the history of the universe and there will never be anyone exactly like you ever again. Your preferences are as unique as you are. So whether you prefer the term gay, straight, bi, pan, queer or anything else just doesn't matter. It's only a way of communicating a general concept, nothing more.
Now, I want to be absolutely clear about something here; I am not suggesting that these words are not important. They are, because the ideas that they communicate can change someone's life. But they're only important as a tool for communication; they don't define, and they should never constrain.
So if you think of yourself as straight and then one day you meet a pre-op trans woman and think she's the hottest person you've ever met in your life, it's up to you to define for yourself what that means. It's absolutely no one else's business.