This article (originally posted here: https://crust.piefed.social/c/long_reads_rss@crust.piefed.social/p/128158/mefi-how-to-spot-a-psychopath) is intereting because the research behind it is interesting, and as most of you assumed on sight it goes where you think it does, but it actually goes further.
I had not heard of or considered this before but it references:
The idea of a “pathocracy”, a democracy of normal people taken over by psychopaths, was conceived by an obscure Polish psychologist, Andrew Lobaczewski, who had lived under both the Nazis and then Soviet-era communists. His ideas never landed, because “the psychology publishers thought it was too political, and the political publishers thought it was too psychological,” according to editor and blogger Harrison Koehli. It’s unfashionable to the point of being taboo in psychiatry and psychology now to ascribe personality disorders to public figures. “One of the perils of bringing psychology into politics is that it’s very easy for anyone with any given political perspective to look at their political enemies or rivals and say: ‘OK, well, they’re all psychopaths,’” says Koehli. There’s also the Goldwater Rule, which established as a psychiatric principle that professionals are not allowed to diagnose public figures they haven’t had clinical contact with or met (this was after 1,189 psychiatrists declared Barry Goldwater unfit to be president in the 1964 election). Viding, however, finds the fixation with diagnosis perhaps irrelevant in this context. “I always find the obsession with diagnosing these people interesting. You don’t need to diagnose them, there are a set of personality traits, and you can recognise individuals with those traits. If someone’s in political power, you can see those exemplified in behaviour, and most people are perfectly capable of making an assessment of what that signifies.”
It’s like a light going on over “why does it feel like we’re living in crazytown?” It’s not just the one guy.
The article is worth a read.
I had this happen to me. My partner actually tried to get me to stay once by driving the car off an embankment as I was considering leaving. I stayed to be the focus of the abuse and protect the kids. I got out later, right before I was dead from it.
We had shared custody and I had my kids fully half the time. I spent the next decade trying to show my kids how to love themselves and love life and find fulfillment. I tried to grow joy in them every second I drew breath. I cooked the food my elders taught me to cook, I grew gardens around them, we played with friends in the sun and the water in the day, and laughed playing games with them into the deliriously sleepy nights. We cultivated joy every day.
My oldest turned 18 and refused to visit ever again, opting instead to live in a crumbling house in a refinery town, with 26 cats, roaches, rooms given to hoarding, no dancing, and no hope. After that, my 16 year old ate a gun.
I finally left.
None of this makes any sense. But I remember the world not making sense when that beast was over my life, everything just hurt. So I can remember that's how it works.
I thought I picked the best path, but I should have taken the kids when they were toddlers, and just run from the law for two decades.
It's a lot more common than people think, and so far outside the average person's experience that they can't believe it's true. It's very isolating. I'm lucky to be alive, and it cuts me to the core that my children are still trapped by her control. There is zero help from the legal system and no justice for the victims. I've made great progress after getting out, but the wounds are still there. I'm sorry that you had to go through it.
I think what's sad is that if they are women, they are not likely to be called out for it, either. I think it's much easier for them to fly under the radar, where males behaving this way are probably not going to get this pass (nor should they!).
It seems most of the therapy/self-help system is set up to reinforce their behavior, because the finger never ends up pointing at them, unless they do something so egregious that the law gets involved, and by that point, it's something very harmful to others, often children.
It is very isolating, and when people see the result of all that I know and all that I have seen, I am labeled the "intolerant" or "crazy" one, because I can see when others skirt this line and will not tolerate being near it. As you said, it is far more common than people think.
There are groups of us who see, but little we can do. I am at least not completely alone, and neither are you. I see you, and your pain lives in me too.
Thank you deeply for sharing your story. I am sorry you had to go through all you endured as well. Our wounds will never heal, but it is relieving to exercise the scar with another survivor.