20
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
this post was submitted on 02 Sep 2026
20 points (100.0% liked)
Writing Prompts
557 readers
30 users here now
A community dedicated to writing prompts!
Please follow this instances rules.
To find more communities on this instance, go to: !411@literature.cafe
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
Story was good! Thanks for sharing it. I'm quite confused about the ending though; I don't really know what happened other than something bad, and it just kind of... happens?
Yeah, it's kinda vague. I need to redo it.
The concept was that the entire time "Dean" was involved, there were people already there, hidden from him that were using Alvin for bad things, and Alvin made the neighbors have erotic dreams specifically so that the Authority would catch it and investigate.
So Dean screwed up, and left thinking it was an easy case.
It was supposed to hint at a darker world behind the cheery and light one, sort of a subversion. Don't know that it worked as written.
Interesting try but the pivot came with no setup. Try adding some visual hooks that should be disconcerting to the agent , something that would normally make the agent suspicious but he is unusually calm about what he is seeing. Also flesh out the pivot more, it's too compressed for what you are trying to convey