Thats probably really frustrating

You did work out, though, for 2 1/2 hours, for however long you sustained that habit, you did sustain it and the yields / results of that habit didnt disappear overnight. I would tell you that I admire that you did that real physical & mental effort, as a routine, to improve and maintain your health directly in spite, or despite, the difficulties you have.

I had attached climbing to my ego and personality and when I began to slow down and eventually stop it impacted my sense of self. I guess I realize as I age that our sense of self, ego, et al, has to be coddled to some degree and I have to think about "who am i" from time to time.

I like the quote "I am multitudes" (Looked it up its, "I am large, I contain multitudes."-Walt Whitman) Brilliance, from a brilliant poet IMO.

I also find some solitude sometimes to think of myself in a deist, "everything is one" sense, "Im no different, (figuratively, qualitatively...) from the air around me.... even tho it is a bit like a its a woozey its a wazy thinking.

But anyway, I sure do hope you can find a little peace and a little solidity in finding out who it is that is you it sounds like a hard time.