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In regard to your last paragraph, I'm sick of hearing this. It's now used as an excuse to justify any kind of horrible behavior. Sure I killed a puppy but my neighbor got caught smoking meth by himself so he's just as bad. It's bullshit.
Yes people are complicated, yes morality is complex, but acting like everyone is equally good or equally bad so no one can ever hold the high ground is such an intellectually lazy, dishonest, and destructive position to hold.
Lotr had it right. The villains are complex characters who have a path to redemption but mostly ignore it, and what they do to the world is unambiguously destructive.
Modern media feels like it exists to excuse and enable selfish behavior no matter the cost.
LOTR did not have complex villains in the slightest? They were bad period. Morgoth is literally evil incarnate, Sauron was evil af appreciating craft doesn't make him good, Saruman was considered completely fallen, Gollum did not have a path to redemption he had moments of humanization. They were pretty straight forward. You could argue depth was added in the Silmarilian but there wasn't really a humanizing element to call them complicated or morally complex, they were morally simple and some had a reason they fell to corruption.
Smaug, the Goblin King, Shelob. Evil as hell.
I guess some of the corrupt humans were more morally ambiguous but it never left you feeling unsure if someone was good or evil, it is pretty crystal clear.
What modern media enables selfish behavior no matter the cost? Breaking Bad is literally about the cost, Game of Thrones is about everyone is basically not a good person.
The best morally complex character I can think of is Magneto. He's not a good guy, he's not doing good things but in his position you'd ask yourself "what would I do different?" he's trying to prevent trauma he's already experienced and he unashamed about it.